Cheated and Pregnant (Editing)

7.

"Rosie, I'm so sorry, please forgive me. I didn't know. God I'm such an idiot for doing this to you," Josh rubbles on and on, apologizing. "I was thinking, and I allowed this to get out of control, I should've controlled myself, I'm so stupid to hurt you like this, to even hurt you before." 

"If I knew you had went through something like this, I would have treated you better. I wished you had told me. I'm so sorry," he continued. 

Tia started at him like he as lost his mind before she blurted. "Why are you apologizing to her? You didn't r*ped her. She is just a wh-" Josh shouted at her cutting her off the word wh*re could leave her mouth.

"Shut the f*ck up Tia, haven't you done enough already. Do you think talking about someone's experience and judging them is something you should do? Especially by someone like you," Josh added glaring at her.  Josh was defending me, but his defense meant nothing to me, not after what he did, what they did, and he is the cause of all this, for entertaining Tia. 

It felt like there was a lump in my throat as I try to hold back my tears, fighting the memories that are trying to resurface in my mind. I have suppressed them for so long, and now I feel them coming back with a vengeance to be remembered. The only reason I told Tia is because I trusted her enough to tell her, and my therapist did tell me it was better to talk about it than bottling it. I wasn't in a good place at the time, and Tia was there. At the time she looked like someone who cared for me, and showed that she wished I didn't have to go through what I went through. But that is different from now, now she is mocking me, judging me, and calling me names. She is using the very thing that I trusted her with to tear me down. That is why your secrets are better kept to yourself.

Tia just destroyed years of counselling, and therapy sessions. Since the abuse started, and after it ended, every day of my life, waking and sleeping, as been a nightmare. I thought I couldn't escape before and after. First, it was his hands that tortured me, and the his dead eyes in the end. I tried to shake of the feeling, his touch, his breath, his words, but they took ahold of me, and before I knew it, I was dragged off into a long forgotten memory.

It wasn't always like this, but everything changed for me, and I could not be normal again. i lost myself trying to hold on to what is left of me after the monster came. I lost everything, my friends, and my joy.

I thought about running away, but where would I runaway to. I have no one, and I don't know my mother's side of the family because they never showed up at her funeral. I heard she was disowned because she had me, but what family cut ties with their only child. It was just me, my step dad, and few of his family members.

When my mother die, he blamed me for her death, saying I was a parasite that killed my own mother. A week later things turned to the worst for me. There was no escape because he started channeling his grief in drinking, and when he drinks he beats me, cursing me until he was satisfied.

He always curse me saying that he is wasting his money on me. How the bitch died, and left him with a brat to feed, that's how he started to refer to my mother. I arrived home after walking home for 20 minutes. I had started praying before I left school that he wasn't home, that he died somewhere, and will not be coming home. It's a pity the Lord doesn't answer to bad prayers, but he could answer the first half.

I opened the door as silently as I could, and made my way inside closing the door silently. I tipped toe from the door, and to the entrance into the living room. It was empty and littered with empty beer bottles. He must have drank himself drunk.

I listened, and there was no noise in the kitchen, so I made my way upstairs, trying to be as silent as I can because I had to pass his room to get to mine. I stopped, and listen for snoring or any sound to tell me he is in his room.