Cheated and Pregnant (Editing)

39.

I woke to the sound of my alarm early that morning. Turning it off I walk my way to the bathroom ready to take on the day.

I didn't realize that my belly was growing until I tried to put on one of my work blouses to see that it can't fit over my once small bump.

I threw blouses after blouses out of my closet that can't fit to be left with a messy room, empty closet and no blouse to wear.

I sat on my bed looking on the blouses scattered on the floor. I went back to my closet looking around to see what would be appropriate for work.

I looked down then back at the other blouses and shirts in closet. I sighed then decided to go with a plain black t-shirt. I looked in the mirror frowning, I look like I'm going to a funeral or more like a depress person, just put in some black lipstick, black eyeliner, mascara, and some of those things that those emos wear and I'll fit in.

To much black. I changed into a floral spaghetti strap blouse making sure all of my belly is covered up and when it was I finished getting ready. I left my apartment going to where I parked my car unlocking it. Sitting in the drivers seat I throw my bag over in the passengers seat when my phone ringed.

Shuffling through my bag for my phone I take it out slide it before I could miss it putting it to my ears.

"Hello."

"Rosie?" Person on the phone asked liked they couldn't believe it was me. He cleared his throat and I waited for him to talk.

I haven't been taking any of his calls sending him straight to voicemail. I would have blocked and delete him but my heart is still with him.

You can't block and delete someone like that out of your life. I gave me that I didn't have, I let myself fall in love something that I haven't felt in years. I opened some doors that was closed because some point in life i lost the keys, forgetting that I had those doors in the first place.

Silence that's all I heard on the other side of the line excluding his breathing. A thought crossed my mind when I decided to just end the call.

"I miss you, " he blurted like he was reading my thoughts.

This felt like I've been through it before has I have thought about the conversation we would have many times in my head. I miss you is one of the many things I thought he would say to me but I couldn't say back. I thought of all the ways to answer those three words in my mind but I came up with nothing but now hearing it out of his mouth has brought on such longing to be near him to be in those arms of his that has kept me safe and warm, and that has given me so much comfort, a man touch that isn't threatening to bring back buried deep memories of the past.

So somewhere in me wanted to repeat those words to tell him that I miss him too and more. "I'm sorry Rosie, I really miss you and I've never stopped loving you please Rosie talk to me, " he continued. "I know what I did hurt you, breaking my promise to never hurt you. Sorry isn't enough to undo or fix my wrong but I'm willing to do anything to make it better, to come home to you everyday, close my eyes with you by my side and wake up with you still there in the morning, I haven't had a good night sleep since you've left, I feel so guilt and it's all my fault that you left, it's a mistake a mistake I'll never make again."

"I miss you, I know you don't want to talk to me but I want to be there for you and for our unborn child..." The line went silent but he was still there, I could hear him breathing into the phone.

I could see him sitting the phone to his ears, his other hand pulling on his hair giving it a very unkept look like he hadn't combed it for days.

I don't know how long I sat there in the silence listening to his breathing. I try to work my mouth to form words but my brain wasn't working like it should. I had thought so long on this to say to him but all I want to do is break down and cry again.