Cheated and Pregnant (Editing)

16.

Yet here he is asking me what I was worried about. He's my boyfriend of course and with his job I have a right to worry about his safety and well being.

I know what I was getting into when I started dating him. I know I could have gone hours without hearing from him if his job calls for it but he could at least let me know that he is safe. If I had known that I would have gone to bed with a sound mind. But I was left worried sick waiting up all night for him to come home to falling asleep on the uncomfortable chair that I was sitting in.

"You're here at two in the morning asking me what I was worried about." I added.

"Rosie..." He started saying my name but I cut him off.

"I know you're job put you at risk sometimes but the least you could do is make this easy for me. Call me whenever you can't come home or tell me in advance so I can prepare myself for it. I don't want to stay up late thinking the worst." I said quietly.

He walks over to me and held my hands. "Rosie I'm sorry. I didn't wanted to worry you or make you think the worse." He said.

I pull my hands out of his. "So didn't you answer my calls or something? Where we you? Were you with another woman." I asked smelling the alcohol in his breath and I could tell that he had drank a good portion of alcohol.

"What?! I would never do that. Rosie you know me. You know I love you and I would never look at another woman of it's not you." He replied like what I just said was bezar and he would never think of doing such thing.

But men lies. They can turn what you feel for them around so you could believe them. They play with your feelings and manipulate you to think they will always stay true to you. They never love you. Not how you want them to. They always want something more or someone. They always want something that you're lacking and me I am lacking alot of things and he knows it.

We have been intimate with each other but when it comes to communicate I shut down especially when it comes to my past. I know from the last conversation we had where he tried to get me to talk about my past and I completely shut down until I yelled at him he stopped asking but I know he thinks about it and if he didn't respect me he would go digging into my past.

I always have self doubt about us but I never show or tell him. I don't know when I developed it but it's there always raging it's head when he stays out late sometimes and call to say he'll be home late.

Maybe it's the fact that he has been with plenty of woman and have plenty ex's make me questions if I would end up like them. He said he is a change man but what has he changed.

"Josh stop lying to me. You smell of a cheap perfume and I know you've been with someone else tonight who is she." I said looking him in the eye. I never had this problem before. All of these feelings because I have never dated before. My step dad messed that all up for me. I pushed him to the back of my mind before unwanted memories could resurface.

"Rosie I'm not ch..." Before he could get the words out I stopped him.

"Who is she? Is she prettier than me? Is she sexier that me? Does she make better love to you than me? Hmm. Josh do you even want me anymore? I'm I going to be one more of you ex? When will you get rid of me? When you tired of me or when I annoy you to no end?" I throw questions at him and if he didn't shout and cut me off I would have continued on.

"Shut the fuck up Rosie! There is no she." He said.

"So it's a he then? When were you gonna tell me we are done?" I asked.