Inside an Enigma (Youth Years)

Letter to physical therapist

So I played water polo freshman year and I had some shoulder problems whatever- and I became really good friends with the guy that helped me? I'm kinda asynchronous so basically my mentality is farther beyond my actual age- so we would talk about pretty deep shit. I wrote him a letter.

October 1, 2017
Before you read this, please just forget age and read this as it's from anyone.
I know you didn't mean to, but hearing everything you've been through and are still going through break my heart. I've never related to someone so much in my entire life. It's insane how someone can go about their day and have a whole story and other side to them. You probably don't care, but I have stuff I want you to know, because to me it seems nobody has ever made it clear. If you've never heard it before, you're going to hear it now. I apologize in advance if I repeat some of the things I have already said in person.

First off, you're smart. You aren't stupid. I don't care how many times you've heard it, but I can promise you, it's not true. Stupid people don't graduate high school, and make it into college. You have come so far that I hope you're proud of what you have accomplished, because I am.

Secondly, the way you value yourself makes me so depressed, I can't even put it into words. You are worth so so much more than you'll ever know. I understand it can be hard to believe because of how people have and treat you... I get it. But I wouldn't trade our little bond and jokes for the world. They wouldn't be as meaningful and fun if they weren't with you. If you weren't alive or here today, I wouldn't laugh or smile as much as I do. When you're not in the athletic room it's so colorless and glum. You add that little light, not many people have anymore.

I haven't known you for too long, but you've impacted my life so greatly I could never repay you for. If you didn't stay as strong as you have been, life would suck because I wouldn't have gotten to know such an awesome and brave person. I feel like little promises are kinda our thing, so promise me this. Never forget how far you've come. Everything you have gotten through. All the times you have pushed on even when you felt you couldn't. All the mornings when you got out of bed no matter how hard it was. All the times you wanted to give up but you got through another day. Every time you sat outside your window ledge, and had the courage to go back inside. All the times you drove at night, and made it home safely. Never forget how much strength you have learned and developed. You have survived 100% of your worst days, and you're doing great.

To me, maybe I'm wrong, but it feels like you've lost so much of your childhood and life being taken over by depression and other people. If I could make one wish it would be that one day you can wake up and just be happy for the rest of your life.
I hope you don't find a lame chick on tinder, but really find someone that has as much potential as you carry. You deserve the best.

I am not sure if I am allowed to say this but if you ever need to call someone at 3am to just rant and need some reassurance, and there is NOBODY that answers and it is an emergency, feel free to call even on a school night. I know (myself) isn't worth much, and I don't have a ton to offer, but I can promise you don't have to go through this all alone, if you need anyone I'm here. Always.
-Ren