Inside an Enigma (Youth Years)

Do I Settle or Do I Move On?

L: Okay
So theres this guy that I've been "talking" to since early may
We kids and cuddle and shit like that
But he always says hes not ready for a relationship and doesnt really want one
So I started distancing myself from him because I want a relationship
And also he would always tell me that he likes me a lot
Sorry I'm at work

Me: You're good. I'm just thinking.

L: Anyways so theres this other guy that I liked for like a year but I never thought it would go anywhere
But he recently became single and we've been texting a lot
But I'm pretty sure I'm friendzone
Anyways so the first guy I was talking about
He was texting me saying that he misses me so so I went to hang out with him today
And we did and it was really fun and great
And he also has a wax pen and so he was high
When he got out of my car he said bye I love you

Me: If they both asked you out, who would you say yes to first

L: Damn you really got me thinkin

Me: Very important to analyze

L: I'm making a pros and cons list

Me: Ok so there's a couple routes here. I'm going off a whim but I'm guessing you internally feel your life pretty intensely. So in the relationship arena, this causes you to have a very deep capacity for love and caring which is not frequently found within "intensity" with other people. I don't think you share the intensity of your feelings with just anyone; you probably tend to be reserved about expressing your inner-most feelings, and reserve your deepest love and caring for a select few.
It's possible you have a tendency to be idealistic and romantically-minded which may cause you to fantasize frequently about a "more perfect" relationship or situation. You may also romanticize the two boys into having qualities which they do not actually possess.
Outcomes of why the first guy "isn't ready for a relationship" is either:
1) he's bored and is flirting because he genuinely likes talking to you
2) finds you unique and messes around only because you peak his curiosity and you aren't predictable
3) connects with almost everyone he meets. Maybe he isn't scared of commitment, but just falls in love easily and looks for more than just a "connection" in a relationship; maybe he is looking for something real and intense, and someone who can keep up with him and challenges him in a way that enables him to grow
Or 4) he loves meeting new people and genuinely want to get to know who you are (this often comes off as flirtatious and usually backfires which he will end up distancing himself when he doesn't feel the same way romantically)
There is no logic to the fear of commitment. And there is no romance in it either. My guess is he most likely is "fearing commitment". It has nothing to do with a lack of trust. He most likely trusts in things almost too much - he trusts them to be constant and steady and good and he is not sure if those are adjectives that he himself is even comfortable with.
For the second guy?? Absolutely no. Cross multiply, I don't care?? But no.
Just got out of a relationship and is "recently single"?? It sounds toxic from the topic sentence. I can almost guarantee for whatever peculiar reason, he is wallowing in despair about the ex girlfriend. He's in the denial stage and is flirting with anyone and everyone that will show a peak of interest. He's just distracting himself as a coping mechanism for avoiding his feelings and emotions. Do not allow yourself to just be a pawn in his chess game. If he jumps into a new relationship anytime soon, that's a complete red flag. That either:
1) he doesn't take commitments seriously
2) only is dating for fun and not looking for anything but a good time and some experiences 3) is trying to make his ex jealous by acting like their breakup didn't effect him
or 4) has such a low self esteem that he jumps from girl to girl for constant reassurance about how wonderful he is (like an ego boost or something) definitely not in it for the long haul
But back to the first guy?? I bet he does miss you, but it's possible that he has girls running to his feet all the time, and isn't used to being dropped. You probably make him feel good about himself in a special way which he cannot find anywhere else. It seems almost like a roller coaster. That your guys "talking" is always fluctuating day-to-day all depending on how HE is feeling. You guys could hangout and cuddle for 3 days straight, but the minute you are apart, it's like none of that even happened.
I am not saying that it is impossible for either of these two boys to have a romantic interest in you, but just from the facts you've given me- neither of them seem ideal. Yeah you may have a great time together, but they will never reciprocate the way you want or imagine them to.
This is going to sound SO cliche, but wait around for someone like Anthony. It took me awhile to kind of maneuver past any boy that showed an interest in me. It wasn't that I was "lowering" my standards, but none of them really met ALL of my expectations. I kept trying to pretend on my head they were "everything I wanted"- but deep down I knew they weren't.
You'll find your best bet when it comes unexpectedly. That sounds lame... but when you do you get an Anthony. I am the biggest over thinker, and have thought of every reason not to date him- but I couldn't find 1 negative. He's just the type of guy you see in movies and read about in books... ya know?? How when he walks in a room his smile and laugh just adds this beam of light that is so foreign nowadays. He's just the type of person every parent would be proud to call their son, every child to call their father, and everybody to call their friend.
I'm sorry if none of this helped and I just made you read all of this for nothing...