Inside an Enigma (Youth Years)

I see things, nobody else sees.

I don't think I have ever really talked about my dad.
People say we are a lot alike and I mean I guess because I mean I am his kid so of course, but I have always seen us as polar opposites.
I get so stressed because all we have ever done is fight. Don't get me wrong, we have our fun times like anybody else does, but I just think ours is more than normal.
My sister never speaks up about how she feels or what she thinks- she just kind of goes along with whatever opinion or decision my dad makes to avoid conflict or confrontation. Most of my family is like that. Manners for peoples feelings, ya know? Nobody really speaks up unless it is about someone outside our immediate family.
It is foreign in our family, so with my dad- he see's me giving him criticism or disagreeing with him as disrespectful. I believe I am entitled to my own opinion, but I think that only applies to him when I am 18 and not under his roof.
He is more prone to get wrapped up in emotion, speculation, and acting irrationally. Like in example- if he doesn't hear back from a family member in one hour, he assumes they're probably dead in a ditch somewhere, and starts calling EVERYONE in panic. Acting dramatically is normal, and it comes from a place of coping with stress. He needs to find his rhythm, know his stress triggers, walk away from the phone, take a few breaths, and change tasks. Like he should try to angrily fold clothes while swearing at the socks if he must.

It's important for everyone and anyone to find their/your own way to channel the intensity else where. Write, draw, paint, whatever! Good luck--and know you're definitely not alone on this!!!

On the other hand, he has two settings: Utterly obsessed, or completely uninterested.
Imagine taking the average person's emotional spectrum and then removing the middle. There are only extremes for him.
It's like if he hasn't introspected his values, feelings, and moral compass in a way that he doesn't feel attacked or violated during conflict- then it is and is always going to be difficult to resolve. He takes everything so personal that he sees criticisms as personal attacks.
I understand that it takes time and practice to be humble with one's moral codes; to acknowledge that disagreements are opportunities to understand others, while allowing for these differences. It's just that he usually tends to turn into defensiveness and ranting to explain his position. In order to make a relationship respectful, and open to alternatives, while not being swayed to change one's position, it's important to practice arguing or debating a little at a time. I just wish he could understand all of this.