Inside an Enigma (Youth Years)

When you like a girl at school and are too shy

Me: Ok ok so this Aly chick. I think you can go from being extremely good at hiding your attraction, to shaky nervous, and then downright obvious within seconds. You become flustered and can come across as cold when/if she were to talk to you, but you then realize this and regret it later, because this is not the image you want to create for her. Most of the time you are laid-back and easy-going, but your subconscious awkward, fidgety body language gives off the opposite impression to other people.
Right now you're looking
for an "in", a point of common interest to justify initiating a conversation. But you may also spend too much time on the fence trying to gauge when the "best" time to make your move is until the train finally leaves the station without you (which is what we are trying to avoid).
Try to accept that sometimes your decisions are made by fear, passion, desire for praise, or love. And accept that these feelings are fair and allowable, and not to beat yourself up for not taking the "logical choice." It will be an uncomfortable experience at first, but in time, you will get better at recognizing and dealing with your feelings.
You spend tons of time and energy fantasizing, working up to this big reveal moment that means the world to you and possibly not so much to her. Its scary but honestly? You should just ask her out. If she says yes that's great, if not, that's cool too. Move on. Rejection isn't the end of the world. The best way to learn that is to get rejected a few times. A bonus is that asking is the easiest way to figure out if she's into you.

Honestly I could be wrong but I don't think relationships always come easy for you. You often feel shy and withdrawn, and are reluctant to get out and meet others. You are most comfortable with small, social groups of people you already know. I think it's possible that one of your biggest fears is rejection or making yourself the center of attention. To avoid that, you will leave hints or clues for a potential partner (like aly) allowing her to make the first move.
You try to identify your feelings, what is it exactly, the cause, how to deal and express them and actually think about the sensation you have instead of letting them just happen, which ends up in indirectly suppressing them very often while being busy with the filtering process. This causes the earlier mentioned state of being out of touch with them often and "ignoring" and not expressing them. You experience feelings very raw and pure nontheless, but due to your inexperience with them on multiple levels and end up not being sure what you actually feel. You're more likely to to identify and verbally mention what exactly you like about a person opposed to saying something that is unable to be backed up because of "in the moment" feelings. You're a really private person and to open up emotionally, you need to build a lot of trust to show your inner raw emotions to someone due to the fear of negative consequences. I think it's possible that deep down you do care deeply about being accepted and appreciated for who you are, although you will rarely voice these concerns and may even try to ignore this desire. But I think you put things off because a fear of rejection. If that helps you kinda figure out what you're feeling.

Ricky: That's legit hecka true
Like I see hecka girls that have went passed me and I've been doing the same but I also fear of how others think of me
Cause I'm trying to find a girl who can't be accepted by others and not act/ look weird.
I guess

Me: I may act weird but that's literally why Anthony likes me
I dont fit in anywhere

Ricky: I mean I know this other girl but idk if my feelings are strong because I sometimes like she is cute and the rest I'm like nah

Me: Let me whip up an internal analysis real quick

Ricky: Ight

Me: Okay so, when figuring all this out, I think there's a big gap of people you usually go for and who you should be going for. You won't see any improvement because you just keep the same standards, and end up meeting the same people in different bodies. So when it comes to "going" for people, usually? You go for the persistent one who will follow you around until you finally give in. And if you're being honest, your relationship is almost 100% them.
I think you should go for the one girl that actually makes you want to do something. The one that makes you decide that they are worth the effort and time and money. Someone that makes you get off your couch, or walk across the room to check your phone. Someone that makes you feel something substantial.
I always tell Anthony that "want" and "need" are two VERY different things. It's like when you go into a store, and your parents say "only get what you NEED, not what you WANT". I tell Anthony all the time that I want to be the best girlfriend possible. And I want him to allow me and to feel comfortable with me providing all of his needs AND wants.
I think you want someone who relentlessly pursues you. Someone who manages to put in all of the effort so that you don't have to. Someone who makes it a little too easy to stay aloof and in your own world.
But I think you need someone who actually makes you want to put in effort. Someone who makes the idea of spending time with them seem more appealing than spending all of it by yourself. Someone who matches your level of intellect yet pushes you outside of your comfort zone every now and again. You know?

Ricky: Well shiii
U gotta take over dr.phil