Inside an Enigma (Youth Years)

When your rebound hurts you

J: I need someone to talk to

Me: let's hear it

J: I spent the last 2 months trying to get over (girl) and at the same time I met someone else who also was trying to get over a breakup and over the last few months we got really close and I got attached to her and she told me the L word meaning more than friends and she played with me as of two days ago she got back with her ex who broke her heart and had mine shattered after fixing hers only for her to probably get it broken again

Me: Do you think what's hurting you was really this new girl? Or the fact that you really wanted (girl) and your backup didn't work?

J: The new girl
I deep down knew me and (girl) wasnt going to happen and I was preparing myself for months

Me: I think what's going on is that 24:7 you are constantly thinking, obsessing, analyzing, feeling, wondering about your future, reflecting on your past and, in general, contemplating the world and why it is the way it is. I think what's really killing you is that you are always 100% invested in whatever it is you're working on. You have the tendency to daydream, and mixed with your emotional intensity, is an absolutely lethal and self-destructing combination when it comes to the dating game. I think that any time you like someone in the end, it's a nasty cycle. You meet a girl, immediately fall head over heels, then feel so afraid of coming on too strong that the opposite happens-- you don't come on strong enough. Then, things fizzle out, and you're left overanalyzing and endlessly obsessing about what went wrong. I understand you don't have many close relationships and losing one often feels like being cut lose from an anchor. That's especially true if you still care deeply about the person you lost through breakup or even a friendship dissolving. When you find someone you really click with, you'll rearrange your life to make room for this person. You start to consider their needs, wants, and desires as equally (or even more) important as your own. They become a vital part of your life. You might even "map" the other person into your inner world so being with them is almost as relaxing/energizing as being alone. After investing so much energy and trust in a relationship, having it end leaves a huge hole inside you. I suggest to try and analyze and re-analyze what, why and how it happened; reflect on what could be done better; on how this could serve as a life lesson. Try to hold on to the good memories and accept that you gave it your all. Sometimes, people and things just don't work out but that doesn't mean you don't love each other with everything you have to give. Sadly, sometimes what you can give and what someone wants/needs are two entirely different things. The best advice I can give is to accept that it happened and never regret it. It was worthwhile no matter what. Time is going to be the biggest healer of heartbreak. It already takes so much of it to get close to someone, and when your heart gets broken, it will take awhile before you can open it up again. Just know you can't judge the future by what has happened in the past. Go forward with a new and hopeful outlook. You'll naturally be on guard, but if you do not open up again, you'll stay in the same place. Take care of yourself first. Eat right. Exercise. Love and better yourself, and the rest will fall into place. Whatever you do, make sure you complete yourself on your own. Do not get into another relationship just to feel whole. The rest will fall in line. However, make sure to give yourself permission to be hurt and sad and mourn for a specific period of time and then for those number of days, you wallow as deep as you need to go.