Inside an Enigma (Youth Years)

Don't have sex with boys from school because you're afraid they'll get mad

This is a story I have been rather private about. Till this day, I have PTSD from it.
Cole is a kid I had history and PE with at Clovis West. We would make peculiar eye contact here and there but that was pretty much all. We ended up snapping each other a lot and somewhat developed feelings for one another (I was just bored sooo yeah). He asked me if on Spring Break I would want to go up to Long Beach with him, and I was never asked to do that stuff soo I said yes.
We were texting and being my sarcastic ass self, we were playing a pick up line game and I said "Do you have a gun so we can bang?" Butttt home boy took that literally. You can already tell where this is leading.

April 20, 2019
2:25am-2:46am

Okay so I have been kinda putting off writing this for awhile.
So long story short, I convinced my dad and everyone to let me go to the beach with Cole, his cousin, and the cousins friends.
Cole and I were pretty excited, and had planned out everything.
After a 4 ½ hour car ride to Long Beach, not even 1 hour in after we got to the hotel- his cousin Muriel and her friend Alyssa went to go get food and left Cole and I at the hotel by ourselves.
We we laying separate before on the same bad, but then got super close.
He started putting his hand on my left knee and started moving it upward.
We talked about having sex before we even got on the trip, but in that moment I was NOT feeling it. He started.. ya know. Then asked if I wanted to have sex, and me being dumb and not wanting him to get mad at me- and not wanting him to be mad the rest of the time (we were up there for 3 days) I said okay (it was my first time btw).
So he put on a condom ya know, and not going to lie, the sex was horrible. Like, nothing was working, I didn't even want to do it (it was consensual but sure didn't feel like it) and I'm asexual so you can imagine my discomfort.
After awhile he just looked disappointed so I asked "do you wanna try again..?" So we did and it worked.
After that I just felt completely empty. Like I had given apart of myself to someone I had no feelings for. He didn't even kiss me.
I'm pretty quiet, but this was a different kind of quiet. And everyone knew.
I was supposed to be up st the beach with him for 3 days and 2 nights.
For the entire rest of the day, he didn't say ONE word to me, neither did his cousin- I ended up talking to the other girl that Muriel brought because they weren't really talking to her either.
It was really uncomfortable.
Muriel and Cole left me and Alyssa to go get dinner, but when they came back and Alyssa got out of the shower, she moved all her stuff over to my bed that I was supposed to share with Cole. I texted her and asked like what the deal was, and she said that Cole asked Muriel to text Alyssa to switch beds because he didn't want to sleep in the same bed as me.
I was just flabbergasted and kind of hurt? And I think I have a right to be?
Here was a kid that took an interest in me, I opened up to him and let all of my walls down, convinced my parents and therapist for days to let me go on this trip- to only let him take my virginity within 10 seconds, not talk to me the entire time, switch beds, and then ask to be "just friends".

After Alyssa told me he asked to switch, I said I had to go outside because my friend wanted "me" to call him. I ended up calling my friend Curtis to explain what happened.
Alyssa ended up coming out and we ended up talking outside for 3 hours. We both came up with a plan to have our parents pick us up that night. So her parents and my dad both got us at 4:30am that night. (It was the first day)

Cole texted me the next day and said he was sorry and felt bad he didn't help the situation. It meant nothing to me honestly. I never want to speak to him again.

I've been worrying a lot about if I am pregnant or not. I've been trying to meet up with Kim Fitzpatrick but she has been busy... I just wish she knew what an emergency this is to me.
We used protection, and he "pulled out" after he came, but I don't know... my intuition just is telling me that I am.
I don't know if I'm so paranoid that I'm just mimicking the "early" symptoms, but I've been having gas cramps (like gurgling sounds I don't normally have), EXTREME fatigue, bloating, nausea and dizziness, headaches, frequent peeing, etc,.

I texted Cole and just double asked him questions like, how I noticed his condom wasn't on the whole way, and he of course said his cousin (apparently a genius at just "anything") said there is "no way I'm pregnant". Okayyyyy, yeahhhh because she knows how I'm feeling.
He said he would pay for a Plan B, but I'm never speaking to him again, lol. I told him if anything happens I'm not even going to tell him about it and he just wait "wait wym", "answer me plz" and I didn't respond and that was the last of it.

I'm kinda scared. I wish I never met him. My stomach hurts and I keep feeling like I am going to vomit.
I hate him, lol. I would never do this to someone. Get all close to them, have sex and then stop talking to them.

I'm really apprehensive and I have and will not tell anybody- unless Kim responds. She says her parents are in town but I just need to talk to her.
My stomach is literally gurgling right now.

I'll see what happens..