Inside an Enigma (Youth Years)

Jealousy

I wrote this for Anthony because he gets jealous super easy

Even those of us who feel secure in our relationships can't help but feel a twang of anxiety when one of us see our significant other talking or laughing with the opposite sex.
Sometimes you can't help but feel like it's the most important thing in the world and that our entire relationship hinges on this (one) person who seems like a threat.
Jealousy in romantic relationships can come in many forms like: concern that other people are pursuing your partner, fear that your partner is in love with someone else, or even unhappiness or anger over the feeling that your partner is devoting more time and attention to their friends, their job, or their hobbies than they are to you.
I don't want to make others feel caged or controlled and wish for the same respect in return. However, I understand where you're coming from in this specific situation. You are more past and present focused while I tend to be more future oriented. Like you will take references from past experiences and present facts to make a decision, while I am more likely to take into account future possibilities when doing so. Because we differ in this area- this may lead to different conclusions with available information. Such as - me with other guys. I don't know all of your past, which for me forms a different conclusion. Because I am rarely the envious type, it is simply because i prefer to focus on achieving things myself. I am internally focused, and don't need to constantly compare myself to others. I would rather continue to grow and improve in order to accomplish my own goals. If i start to feel envious of someone else, i simply take this as an opportunity to improve. I see it as a challenge and will take it on instead of feeling crippled by it. I am more interested in accomplishing my own goals and desires, instead of obsessing over what other people have.
This all fits together.. but as we both are aware - i can be so blunt that I sometimes rub people the wrong way. But I am not offended by bluntness in return. In fact, i often prefer it. This is especially true from someone I love. Did i hurt you? Tell me how. Do i have a bad idea? Tell me why. Should i change something? Tell me. I am not great at reading subtle cues - which is why I appreciate when people are direct about their thoughts.
This is so simple that I think some are scared of it. It sounds like a trick. But for me, understanding and resolving a problem is much more important than avoiding confrontation. I view confrontation-avoidance as weak, and even deceptive.
I seek the truth at all costs- and my relationships are no exception to this rule. I loathe being duped, lied to or kept in the dark. I want to make all decisions about my relationships from an informed perspective - and if i feel as though I am lacking that perspective, i'll be quick to leave any partner who won't be upfront and honest with me.
I cannot guess what you want, need, feel, and think. I get stuck in my own head,
considering all the possible messages you could be trying to send me. So, when for example say we're at the movies, my internal dialog may sound like: "Did he put his hand on the armrest between us because he wants to hold my hand? Or does he just not have enough space for his arm?" Subtle cues don't really do it for me. If you want to convey that you like me, you may have to just come out and say it.
Since I am not the type to shower people with affection, i may unintentionally let on that you're not that important to me. Don't be fooled. If you start to doubt my interest, open up about your own feelings, and i may reciprocate them more than you realize.
But back to the jealousy, I am so jealous of you. I am jealous of your ability to connect with a crowd and be a leader, without all the soul crushing anxiety that I'm often faced when told I am put in charge of something. I will always also admire how much you can handle. I'm not always sure about your methods... but I could never deal with all the pressures that you do.

On the other hand- I was informed that I may go "overboard" when teasing you. People have to be open and 'ready' to receive humor. If im focused on say "the death of my cat", thats not a good time to 'joke' about having 8 more lives; im not expecting to hear a joke. Also, most people give cues when they begin to tell a joke: a slow smile, a pause, or some observable body language. I don't have enough social comfort/knowledge to do this, which usually results in me telling a 'joke' in the same manner as i would explaining a theory.
I can definitely handle a bit of teasing and enjoy being able to banter with others. Someone who can keep up with me and doesn't become easily offended, is going to make the experience more enjoyable for me. I simply don't find myself becoming offended by every little comment, especially when i recognize that someone is just joking around. I realize that certain lines shouldn't be crossed, but i do enjoy having loved ones who can take a joke without being overly sensitive about it.
My tone of voice is really important, mind, I'm pretty sure it'd be blindingly obvious even to a random stranger walking by that this is exactly the opposite of serious, and that's a necessary component. Kind of an overdramatic verbal flouncing that overemphasizes all the words that're intended to be taken as the opposite of their literal meaning like ("WHY would you DO that HOW could you be SO CRUEL"). It's fun and lends itself well to flinging yourself dramatically into the other person's lap, which makes for a nice smooth transition to more physical forms of teasing. But also, I may tease even when I am speaking normally- which is hard to differentiate, but it's just my humor.