Inside an Enigma (Youth Years)

When your boy gets scared 🥺❤️

Anthony:
I love you . I never thought I would have my life planned out so easily , I guess deep down I always expected for me to make a lot of mistakes or follow in what my parents did , like stay in the same town for the rest of my life and being ok with a dead end job. I absolutely don't want that. I want to leave . I want to start my own homestead somewhere not here . I want to use this place to my advantage . The whole reason I joined the marines (I'm sure I've said alot of this before) was to use it as a stepping stool to get at least a head start on what I want in life. I want more than clovis , but at the end of the day I think it all comes down to the person by my side. I want this Lauren. I truly do. When I'm with you I don't care about anything else . I don't care that I work a terrible job , I don't care about the fact that I still live in an apartme in clovis , where the heat just make me want to die. I don't care that I have to come home and get yelled at for something dumb, I don't care about the gas I have to use or the simple stuff that won't matter when I'm dead. It dosent even faze me . I do care about you, you matter a lot to me. and I love you . And that's what is scaring me . You're 17 and you say you want a life with me . How sure are you on that ? And yes I've read the stuff you have provided multiple times . I just want to make sure that deep down you are willing to commit to a life with me.
The last thing I want is for us to move somewhere , get married and less than a year into it have you change your mind . Saying it outloud makes me seem selfish but I respect that opinions change , But yeah.

Me:
None of that is selfish. I think we both are aware that I am unlike most girls. Girls at 17 don't know what they want. They act off ideals and how they're feeling. They think their feelings are facts and go with the flow of what sounds good in the moment. They don't think about the negatives. They don't think about leaving their family across the country, gas, sharing a living space with someone, having to get legally state registered, having to clean up after another human being. They don't understand that it's not going to be some fairytale of you and the person you love running off to discover your "inner self". They don't understand you won't be home a lot of the time, you may not even be home for days. They get homesick because they have no friends, don't know the area, and are unsure if leaving everything you have ever known and every relationship you have ever built is worth it just for a guy. There are so many other options out there that would not require so much hassle and loss. However, I am aware of all of the pros and cons. I am mentally more mature than most. When I said I was in this for the long haul, I meant it. In no living hell is this going to be easy. It's WAY easier said than done. I never go off what I'm feeling, I use logic. And there is no way I am going to logically talk myself out of this relationship. If you wanted myself to go into the Air Force, make money, get an education, and meet up after 4 years- I would do it. Anthony,
I would go to the ends of the earth if it meant I could be with you. Nothing else matters except knowing that when I fall asleep you're next to me. Where you go, I go. Only if you want me to. There is nobody more qualified to make my decisions than myself. I have thought about this a lot. And I know it's going to be insane, hectic, overwhelming, and at times may even feel hopeless. I could lose everything and anything, but not you. I don't care what drastic measures I have to take- even if it is out of my leisure. I love you. I am in love with you. And that's a promise.
If I do not manage to make you feel like you are my most cherished person out of over 7 billion people; help me to take actions in which you will gain clarity and stability that if I am with you, then you are so worth my love.
Anthony Felipe Carmona, I am not in love with the idea of you. I am in love with you.