Inside an Enigma (Youth Years)

Random Thoughts

I am hard to impress because I've envisioned the impossible.

I don't mind long drives that some may find boring. I see it as a time to think to where I am not being unproductive.
Silence isn't awkward for me. Silence is comfortable.

Stagnation breeds pestilence.

We learn to to stop. We learn to hold back.
Sometimes trying to get someone to stop, will real you in so far to where it gets you to try.

The two tasks may be different, but the goal is the same.

Two people can look at the exact same painting, and get two different meanings.
One may see it's beauty, the other may just see a painting.

You can't keep thinking people are bad people just because they don't want to be romantically involved with you. I used to do the same thing. I'm not different at all. You're just hurt and upset so you want to see me in a negative way because it's easier to cope with. But whatever works for you I guess

I think what's important is to understand why people bully. You know? Every single person you meet is fighting a battle you or possibly nobody even knows. I always think about a hypothetical scenario of what if - (just for example) say you're at a youth activity night. You all are given an index card to write down your trials, struggles, and personal problems anonymously. After everyone is finished, all of the cards are mixed up and afterwards, all flipped over. Each person goes up to pick a new card and read it aloud in front of everybody. After everyone is finished, I can guarantee everyone in that group wouldn't switch theirs for the card they got. It would open their eyes to see that no matter the ego or no matter the attitude- there is always a cause. And that is why it is so so important to not judge others or assume you know the whole story.

I've learned that you can't really expect anything from people. As much potential as they have to be or you see- some may never live up to it.
You can't hope that "so n' so" is going to want to finally be your friend one day, or that "so n' so" is going to finally realize they took you for granted. Unfortunately, not everybody thinks like that.

I watch and pay attention to someone when they're interacting with me. i watch their facial expressions, reactions, and word choices.
if slowly i open up to someone about my personal stuff and they kinda get all weird and "flinch" about me- then i will seal up and never share anything with them again

I want to love someone, but people don't want to love me.