The Maia and Ross Diaries

C30 - The White Flag

I imagined holding his skin again, I imagined his lips against my head again and that was becoming a hole. My surroundings became black and I was nothing at all. I felt numb, I'd tried. I tried to move. But I can't move... and I could still hear his voice.

  ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* . *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧  

After crying for awhile, and telling Unison I'd be on a break, I just didn't know what to do anymore. So I finally decided to just... go.


Telling my sister I was leaving to head to New York made me rethink my decision as she told me I was throwing away my life.

What life?

I didn't have a life to lead here anymore. I'm not Grace Kelly or Audrey Hepburn, I barely know me - and even if I act like I am, there's always something stopping me from having that happy ending I so badly wanted, but I couldn't get. It took me some thinking but after the current events that happened at prom, I realized what I'm looking for wasn't in Jacksonville where Ross is. It's in New York where Yale is.
Sure, classes don't start till next year, but I want to get a feel of where I'm going to be living when I do leave. So here I am throwing clothes into suit cases that I snuck out of my dad's room while he was sleep. After a broken heart, you're another story to talk about and you get washed into the group who warned you.

Throwing my clothes that I managed to wear all for this year, I came across Ross' jacket, and gave it a sick glare. "Your leaving because of him aren't you." Hailey kept talking pacing around my room.

It was midnight, where in Jacksonville you didn't want your lights on, but I didn't care. I threw Ross' old jacket aside that I obviously forgot to give back. "I need to leave. It has nothing to do with Hailey."
"What are you going to say to dad? Where's your passport? Maia what are you doing! Stop!"

But my closet was already halfway empty. "I'll tell dad tomorrow." At a point in my life I started to realize I wasn't Maia from first quarter anymore, who people think is strong, and can surpass any obstacle. At some point, I had to realize that some people stay in my heart, but not in my life. And I was willing to leave everyone behind, even Nina and my family, even Ross after everything we've been through, but Jacksonville wasn't me anymore.

I could say I was doing this all over Ross, but the truth is I'm doing it for me. Maybe I was being a coward, running away from my problems, but who doesn't do that?

"What about me?" Hailey stood in front of the door while I was zipping up my second suit case. "You're leaving me!"

I never thought Hailey actually cared about me that way. Of course, we we're sisters, but the only time we worked together were to clean up a party, or algebra homework. And most of the time she even said I was to smart to work with her. Our relationship wasn't on the best terms.
"Hailey..."

"You don't think I love you?" She said with a testy tone.
I looked up for a slight moment as I saw a tear drop down Hailey's eye. I slowly walked toward her, biting the lower end of my lip, and uncertain why I would think this would've been so easy.
Hailey hugged me first, and I tightened the grip.

"Don't leave... We all know when you leave for something, things don't go as planned." I could hear the care in her voice, and her cautions on the words she chooses.

"I know... I know... whatever he did had to be bad where you want to run away... leave everyone and everything behind, but sometimes you just have to forget about that person you loved... and move on... and what about school? And Nina and Allie?"

"Don't say her name." I muttered walking back over to my suitcases. I turned back around at Hailey, before I filled my third suitcase. I was still in my prom dress, dying at the memory of it. "It's not that easy Hailey. I and Ross broke up, because of Allie and some stupid kids. And I can't look at their faces everyday acting like I'm okay. I have to leave. I can't stay here, there's nothing here for me." I decided. I was eighteen years old, and of eighteen I was still officially and legally an adult. I could move out and find my own place.