The Maia and Ross Diaries

C54 - Feet are Rough, Scraped, Bruised

  "We can write our own destinies. That's what we all say when we are young and fragile, and we still believe. We still see the greatness in life when really it is a file of disappoints obstacles... and loss. I wish I could see it clearly now; but the light is drowning. I used to write and hope for a better tomorrow; to be better than the person I was yesterday. That's just who I was; was."

  
 
              "But that is taken away by the cruelty of someone's heart... when the trigger goes off, and you take someone's life. What about Rowan? What about him, is the answer. What about this little boy who will never grow up to know his mother. What about him, because clearly when the trigger goes off it does know time to question. It's done.     Sometimes your heart needs more time to accept what your mind already knows.  And I know that I recently lost two mothers... two mothers and I wasn't there... twice. Do you have any idea how much I want to crumble up... to give up? To stop caring and trying. It's almost impossible. I feel everything. I want to die.  "
                 

  All the doctors could do was keep Stormie comfortable. Comfortable, and that's it. That's all they could do... nothing! And there's nothing else they could do to save my dad's wife; a mother, and a step mother. I prayed and prayed for Stormie and my dad. As much as I wanted to be with Ross forever, this couldn't happen to my dad again. Not to this family. He's a widow and I'm mother less.
   I hear nothing. I'm in the hospital, I see everyone moving but I force myself to not hear anything but my thoughts and my heart beating. She was shot. And where was I. I was living my life as I choose and that is what I get. 
   My dad... He finds new love and she dies the next few months. His vows are in his hands as the tears are already in his eyes. I try to hold back my tears before I die. I just know I wasn't blinking and trying to hear anything. 
  Ross. He finally gets a parent worth keeping, and she dies. She has a new miracle child as well, little Rowan... what are we going to say when he's five and asks "who's my real mom?" or four... or three. Ross wasn't crying, but his eyes we're red. All our eyes we're red. 
  Hailey finally gets off of pot because she had something to believe in. She had a family, her sister was there to watch The Hunger Games with her, but now she had a Stormie to do her hair and drive her to school. What now?

 Me? Well, I get to lose two mom's. I get to do nothing to save her. I want to die. Everyone in this hospital will probably never get to see their loved one, best friend... ever again. Everyone here deserves better. 

I walked along the halls following the doctor, not caring if the others we're behind me. Flashbacks of seeing my mom here came. The words "You're moms gone... I'm sorry, there's nothing we can do," came back to mind as I looked to the side hiding wet eyes. 

Someone's going to say it again. 

This is how it is going to end? Ross' parents are never going to see his grandchildren or this stupid baby in me!

The ebony man opened the door giving me a look. He saw my saddened face, and I avoided his look. I'd get them all at school anyway because I had got it before. I remember everything... people will always ask me 'am I okay' but they really... really don't care. And it hurts. I'm hurting. 

As I walked inside I saw her, eyes still open but a whole bunch of equipment inside of her. I wanted to look away, but my loud sigh forced me to breathe and keep going forward. 
  
  "God," I cried over her as a tear dropped to my mouth. She gave me a soft smile as if everything was going to be okay. 

"Don't do that." I approached her with tears. She was avoiding the fact time was running out; It was time to be serious. "My dad needs you, don't leave him," I said trying to understand who would do this. "The whole Mitchell family needs you."