The Maia and Ross Diaries

C36 - Forgive

Rivercourt

This is the place where me and mom went after every Christmas. Used to, anyway. Luckily the weather died down today, and I could see the lamppost lights on the other side of the River that notified that Jacksonville was going to have to be my reality to get back to. I just really liked the way the water around sparkled at night.

I was sitting, just looking over to that part of my life.

The only thing I went home to do were to change clothes, and even that was almost impossible, since Hailey has "sonic hearing" as she likes to call it. I could not face my dad after the news, until I was ready to talk him out of it --- which will also be impossible.

He would usually ask us if we we're okay with this, but I've been out of word, since I left for New York. And I've been thinking that leaving was a mistake. But hell, my friends we're going to kick me on the plane back anyway. I didn't know what to do anymore, still upset, I rested at the sight of the lights.

"Maia!" I turned, still sitting down, to see Ross running out of his Jaguar.

"Ross?" How did he find me? I sat up, and as he ran toward me, I stood there for a moment, thinking what to do. Really, thinking.

I couldn't hold myself back, as I stopped thinking and just ran toward him, as he was towards me. He stopped running, as I kept on moving forward, not stopping, not worrying, because I instantly hugged the person I wanted to hug.

His arms grip me firmly, as I rest my head on his chest, and sob, "Their getting married....marriage," I barely said without wanting to throw up.

"Did you talk to him yet?" He looked serious, and when he let go of the hug he saw my face, and the displeasure arrived on his face. "Maia... Maia don't cry." His hands we're at my gold yellow jacket, but his eyes were fixed on my massacre running down my face. I never knew how strong I could be about this, until I had to force myself to believe that was my only choice.

"I can't do this... How long have they even been together, and they've decided to get married..." I cried. "Everything was making sense and now it doesn't."

"Is this about your mom?" He asked.
I looked up directly. "I don't know. Its about--"
"Me?" He stopped me again. He put his arms at his side, and as soon as he did, I felt myself about to tumble to the ground, right there. "I will wait for you, because I honestly... I don't want anybody else." Obviously he knew we couldn't be together, and even though he wasn't crying, I kind of thought he wanted to. He was stronger than me, and that was just... just sad.

"How did you find me?" I said, looking to the side.
"Hailey told me you might be here." He said looking around. "This is where you, Hailey, and your mom, spent your afternoons after Christmas?"

"I can't do that with your mom." I said even more upset. "I don't even like her, how does my dad like her? I... can't" Evasive, I held Ross at his leather jacket, before I fell to the ground in pieces.

"She's trying to change --- she's divorcing my dad," He said making me look him in the eye, as he tilted my neck toward his face.

"Change!?" I shouted. "She watched your dad hit you!"

He didn't say anything after that, but just looked me selfishly in the eye. "I'm sorry.... I'm sorry..."

He still didn't answer. So often he and I had to learn in order to trust, we both had to be betrayed. I tried to tap myself into believing that things weren't going to change as much. Yeah right, everything would stay the same. I would remain naïve enough to fall back in his arms - and want him, be betrayed by him, and believe all over again - I was nearly still about to fall to my knees.

I ran my fingers into him, and when I just wanted everything to be over his voice sank in...

"The day I meet you," He whispered. "My life changed. You aren't just another Allie to me. The way you make me feel... is good... Stormie, your dad, that high school, or anything couldn't stop me from loving you ... I don't care what our parents decide to do, I still love you."

"When I remember our free time we spent at the beach, our first school dance together, I fall in love with you... again."

I sighed deeply. I wish he would stop saying he loved me, because I really didn't believe him, because he kept hurting me, somehow when I let him in. People always go in and out of my life, and I was afraid he had to be one of them... 

I loved him anyway. The feeling didn't just stop because I was angry. Because I didn't know the exact feeling. All I know is that love was about giving chances when there are no more chances to give... Helpless, no voice in my head riling me to yell "I hate you!" to him.

"Do you still?"

I nodded, "I do." .... " I do love you. So much it hurts." I wiped my tears and faced him strongly.

He was the first to kiss me, and I was scared. But I was glad I let him. Cause a hug followed after.

Home - The Next Day

Me and Ross talked out what we we're going to do with our parents at his house, but we eventually fell asleep. He had his clothes on, and slept like a baby... a cute baby. I woke up, trying to cope in Ross' sweatshirt. It was bigger than the ones I had at home of course. Awkward...

Looking at his journal aside on his bedside table, that obviously his mom bought him...Ross wasn't a decor guy.

I reached over and grabbed the journal... wondering if I was invading privacy --- He has showed me before why not now?

Journal

I screwed up.

Journal

I screwed up.

That was the only thing I saw after 17 pages, and as Ross started blinking, I slipped the journal back where it was and smiled at him when he fully woke up, as if nothing happened. "Maia.. Maia... you are just not sneaky enough. But I admire your snooping."

I rolled my eyes, when his hands pull me closer into him. He rested his nose on mine, and all I did was earn my Kindergarten butterflies back... again.

My House

My dad came down the stairs, daddy jams on, and his earnest smile to see me and Ross together. "You two!" But then Ross' mother came behind, in an buttoned up blue shirt, that hid that she had nothing on underneath.

I turned around, completely annoyed, but Ross took my hand, and I forced myself to give this all a chance. I had nothing to lose.

Dear, Journal

Sometimes I think I'll never get it right.