The Maia and Ross Diaries

C18 - Beautiful/Where Do I Stand

Caving Up In My Room-- Alone - Saturday

Dear, Journal

I couldn't help feeling like I was in one of those stupid movies. You know, where the girl becomes a wreck over a guy... and her best friends... and possibly over her dad... Okay only the first part is true. Oh my god. I am one of those girls. I'm that girl. 

Fuck.

 At Nina's sleepover, Ross told me "I love you." and he ran away. That left me in my room doing nothing but being a mess in my pj's and a big messy bun of hair. And worse? The over thinking. You have to agree, everything in my life was already apart. The only person that wanted to be near me right now is this journal -- and technically it doesn't count as a person.

On the brighter sides of things... I was graduating soon, but with a scandal of making out with a guy in a math class, and being suspended for it... I was lucky if I got into any "prestigious" college. I just want a hole to appear, so I can jump into it and die.

Die. But only for a little while.

Maia.

Sometimes staring blankly at your wall helps. But for me it only made my eyes water up. Ugh, I just felt so stupid right now. I look back on what happened this year, and I think how did I get here? All that avoiding... re living the same thing... acting like I had no love in my heart. That was only childs play.

It only sucked ass, cause I had no friends right now, when I needed them the most. I mean, how was I even going to face them on Monday? I can't even look at myself in the mirror, without thinking what have I done. They call it being a "teenage girl" but I call it being a princess bitch(example/ Bitchy D). Which could possibly mean the same thing.

Hailey came in, right when I was going to dig in my nose. I know... I was that lonely. But now my little sister is here to -- "AAH! WHAT DIED!"

"Sorry what?" I rolled over on the bed. "Don't go there Hailey." I sniffed in my bed covers and realized it was safe to say I was literally a wreck. It's like a Pretty Little Liars special in season 3. You ALL know that Spencer broke down over Toby Cava-- cavanos... whatever, and can I tell you, I was probably looking worse than she was. And smelling worse. "Did you brush your teeth! Did you even eat breakfast!? Are you trying to kill yourself?!" Hailey yelled, standing at a distance. It wasn't long until she covered her nose.

"Go away..." I said faced first on my pillow. The fact that I couldn't breathe made me feel anxious to face my for once fresh and clean sister. The fact that she hasn't blown something up, in weeks makes me feel great.

"You and Ross broke up! Oh my god! AND Nina hates your guts!" Hailey yelled. Its like she just did a walk back of 24 hours ago. Stalk much, I thought. "Where did you hear that, stuff!"

"People talk." She rolled her eyes. I could tell the stinch was bothering her, when she opened her mouth. "Just cause you guys are OVER, doesn't mean you end up like the help! Know matter how much I'm enjoying this...you we're there for me... now I'm here for you."

Finally, my sister had grew a new brain cell.

At The Mall With Hailey

It took a lot of dove, and avocado olive to make me smell decent again, but It was wroth it, cause we we're going to one of my favorite malls. The Evergreen. I'm really sorry I didn't mention I was a girly girl aswell as a tomboy. I've been so busy rapped in things that really dim the spotlight away from me, and basically into drama. But now I was feeling good, and looking good if I do say so myself.

And as crazy as this might sound... Hailey Rebel Mitchell was also a girly girl. More or less. "This would look amaze balls on you!" She showed me a dark short red dress that looked like something Elena would wear in The Vampire Diaries. "I like it," I squealed and snatched it from her. Prom was coming up, anyway.

"Let me pick something out for you." I said, returning Hailey's favors. I walked around the mall, trying desperately to find something that would sport Hailey. And out of know where, I found a black dress that basically DESCRIBED Hailey Mitchell. It was loose, and Hailey loooveeed loose. AND it was black? My job was as good as done.

While cheering for myself in the middle of a isle, I spotted Dana. And she was not wearing Queen Bee clothes, or queen bee makeup, or switching her hips, or glaring at someone like a bitch. My point is, she was by the little wishing well, pool. While sitting on the edge, I noticed she could've been my twin on how I looked this morning. Dana... "the queen" as she likes to call herself was crying.

Walking Over To Dana...SLOWLY

It took her a minute to look up at me. And when she saw me her bitch look appeared. But only it wasn't really affecting me, because what use to be make up was now a pool of black shit. "Hey..." I said, practically in a whisper.

"You win, Mitchell." She wiped her eyes. "The throne is yours, now." Its like it was her que to say something like that. "I don't want the 'throne' ... what are you even talking about?"

"You punched me this year! You stood up to me! You we're with the years, bad boy! He likes you... he loves you in fact... I would know... Maia... my reputation is over... because of you! My own minions have left me, for who knows what damn reason!" She said in one jungle of sentences. She put her head back in her hands.

Was she seriously balling her eyes out over a reputation. I kept it on a normal level, because the last thing I needed was to get physical, again. "Who keeps telling you these rumors about Ross?"

"People talk." She shrugged. I see.

"How would you know he loves me?" I was aware he had (or did, anyway) fell in love with me. But I was the wrong person, for Ross. Trust and believe. I was only a wreck cause I know I hurt him. And my friendship drama. And the moving away bomb.

"He dumped me. NO ONE dumps me... I figured he did it, for you...Who else is better than me? I put two and two together." She wiped some of her black tears away.

I shivered in delight for a minute. The queen gave up. But being the sympathetic person I AM, I set down beside her and told her I wasn't better than her. Dana looked at me like I was crazy. As if after all she has done to me in the past, I'm still sitting by her til this day NOT ripping her pony tail out. "Dana... your beautiful. You should start using that for the good, and stop making people...you know...feel how you're feeling now. Like garbage. Hurts doesn't it?"

Dana smiled at me. "As much as I'm enjoying this heart to heart, I have to admit you're right."

"Ross is not for you by the way. Look for more. For better. You deserve it. God damn, you need it!" We both laughed at my joke about her needing someone to keep her in check. Cause we all know she can be a princess bitch... But so can I.

"You're pretty, alright Mitchell."