Personal Diary / Journal - art, addiction and a whole lotta love

2020 Mar 4 Wednesday

I discovered a new (old, but it feels new) way to add some controlled stress into my daily routine. Instrument practice with a metronome. You see, after discovering that the metronome brings stress into my playing a few years ago, i renounced the metronome and played only without.

Now it's time to add some metronome back into my playing. This is mainly the reason why my music is not mainstream, it's very sparse and doesn't have consistent tempo. If i want to play with people and maybe get concerts, i better get used to improvising with tempo.

Already i stated here that i was in a rut, nothing got me excited about my instrument anymore, maybe after all this disbanding, time has come to add a new element to the minimalism. The metronome.

It's pretty stressful too, not unlike chess. Same kind of stress. So perhaps i could alternate between practice and taking breaks, then some chess, then another break, and so on, when i decide to expose myself to stress.

With my chess playing, even though with speed chess you learn less, i invest less in the game so i don't care so much if i win or lose.

Time to take a 15 minute break.

[..] i watched some pornography and the fact that i didn't actually do the deed filled me with physical energy. I wonder if pornography could be a cure for stress and anxiety. Based on the phenomenon that the stress energy gets channeled down there and gets turned into horniness. It may be the recent weight loss, but today i'm feeling very active in intimate matters. I feel like working up a sweat, not necessarily doing coitus, but you know, experiencing heat in my body.

I'm going to do a little experiment. I'm going to get myself stressed out and then i'm going to watch some pornography, see if it helps.

[..] new development. I studied with the metronome, then played 3 games of chess, and i'm relatively stressless.

[..] turns out, as i stood up, that here was a weight to my head to be felt, so i watched a bit of porn and it got better in the span of a few minutes. No wonder i'm addicted to it.. have to find a better way of relieving stress.