Personal Diary / Journal - art, addiction and a whole lotta love

2020 Apr 16 Thursday

I contacted my therapist to solicit a session and he said he is working online using Zoom. I can't get the damn app to send me a verification email, or it's taking forever. Just wait i guess. Their website says

[..] i left the paragraph unfinished. Stuff intervened. I finally got the app working, in case you were wondering. Logged in with Facebook and it worked like a charm, no verification required. This is not the first time Facebook helps me out in this way, many accounts i'm represented on with Facebook.

Anyway..

Baby Love is on a cleaning spree for a couple of days. She's very thorough and determineded§§vvvzzzzzzzzzzzz =r sorry about that, i had to clean my keyboard, dust had accumulated in an alarming amount, don't know how. I helped out with the cleaning just a little bit, participating more in spirit and trying to be supportive. Although i think of myself as a very supportive person, i think i fail many times with Baby Love. She probably deserves a better person than myself. She definitely wouldn't say this, and i'm sure she doesn't believe so, but she in her ways is far better than i am in mine. Did i say that right? It's just that given the opportunity to be patient, i tend to linger towards the being short end of the spectrum. I wonder why. It's not that i don't love her enough, i love her to the stars and the end of the world, it just that.. i don't know. Maybe i'm just not patient enough. We talked yesterday about the fact that we both would make terrible parents/teachers. I want her to know that i know this is a fault in my person. Lack of patience. We talked about it before, and i don't feel it's gotten any better. Or just marginally better. I think it may be because of my lack of resistance to frustration. I see the direction and i find it frustrating to wait in my mind, even if i know the advantages of going in that direction together far outmeasure going alone. Maybe if i keep working on this toleration for frustration, things will get better.

I kind of got stressed out, plus i felt i needed some disciplined activity, so i went back to breathing consciously as part of the mind/body practice. These last few days were containing of some typical quarantine stuff. Going shopping, going to the pharmacy, orders being delivered, cleaning.. and my practice suffered for it, i feel the need to shift gears a bit and breathing attentively seems to do the trick.