2020 Mar 07 Saturday

2 1 0

by WordPopcorn

by WordPopcorn

Lllllllllknjbhgfcdrgsrtsrtdedsds

I have some inspiration but don't know how to express it. Creative craving. The line above had the purpose of determining if the keyboard sounds are on. When connected is the bluetooth keyboard. They are not. I will have to settle for the mechanical sounds my keyboard makes naturally.

I'll try something out, some beat typing. That is - random keys pressed on impulse. Here's a passage:

Difknfgidi ofknsfknriertkgn gou;f eroih4ih45i hiofdiof 90490r o[ieriofokdoireknfkndigkfnlkdfgkvdl kerorpojfgoitnfknfioew;kfnckxf;igndfolkrnln nf ,n oireoi' w[ io gkdnfgkslolgke'r; ;oi5t[t[]htrtrhikf;nfkds; irrkfmdnm, ,flkdekofdkfldfokloeodfk. Dl,a; ks kns;ivbf,nrt ;klfsklvcv klfoir;i45i org iorgi o;rg oig;fgklsjfgkgf fknb f,ml;r rtklgfoijergpioerointr intrkldfldkfgoirnfkfkfkfkfkfkfkfkfkfkfkfkfkfkfjg irmfkdknfgiormnfgignrfnngtngjgngnkgnjgjgjgjgnnvb nfk ldf;gj e'lkjvopsdj f'lf flm,w ;knfoigh fg,m cj bzxvmbe rio;xz;a/ q jsghlkfg,rnv sd'o slfgdkrt,n

I think that's enough for this platform. It's pretty satisfying. I'll do some more in a different note that i will leave unpublished.

[a few minutes later] it's pretty neat. If i use the blank key and the enter key wisely it's more readable, has something of a poem.

My cat just climbed on my belly and made a nest of it. It's because Baby Love left to buy some groceries. Every time she leaves, my cat requires consolation.

Anyway.. this beat writing exercise, while alright, is not the output i needed for my inspiration. Let's see if i can figure it out. It's not music, although i'm listening to music. I don't feel much like dancing, maybe it's a posture i could take and keep my muscles in a certain resolvatory tension?

Let's keep investigating and we'll come back to the posture postulation.

Words don't fill the gap either, neither does nonsense, nor voice practice. That means it's a very pure form of inspiration, not yet filtered by a certain medium of expression.

Ok i got it. It's a movement thing, but small movements does the trick. Let me put it in action. I'll see you later. Later for me. For you, it's just reading on. That's why reading my entries lasts a few minutes, even though writing them fans out over an entire day.

[a few minutes later] i figured it out even more. What takes it out of me is the movement between. It's a mode of movement that some modern butoh dancer talks about in an interview, let me see if i can find his name. It's called "dancing in between, a butoh portrait with tadashi endo" or something like that on youtube. Here's the link:

https://youtu.be/yla-ZhPEByo

I don't remember him describing this form of movement very thoroughly so i'll try to get into it a bit with an explanation. It involves a lot of listening, or paying attention to the body. The focus is on moving in the middle way. If you had to move your hand 10 centimeters, let's say an option is to move it to the left and another is to move it to the right. You don't take either option, instead you find the perfect direction and speed somewhere between the left and right direction. It's neither nor, not too much to the left and not too much to the right. Not too fast and not too slow, the in-between, the perfect solution. It's very hard to describe since the solution may be very personal, but you can recognize it when you see it. A car moving not even a bit too fast, not even a bit too slow. It feels like it's the perfect speed with which to propel it's weight along the road, the perfect balance of power and speed. A person is walking on the street in the perfect balance of not-in—a-hurry but determined-to-get-there.

[about an hour something later] goes to show: if i had to pick one form of expression to do for all eternity, it would be movement. You can do everything while dancing, but you cannot do everything while playing a musical instrument.

I feel like i often need a starting point to begin dancing. I find myself laying down or sitting or otherwise being relaxed, i know i could be dancing, i don't have anything against it, just a small shove to move just a bit as a start would be most welcome. To move all the time, dance all the while i'm awake, that's my goal. I've been struggling to find a creative endeavor that could take all my time, consume me completely, and i think dancing is the one.

There is a way to look at it in which not moving is still dancing, but i feel like it's stretching it some. I feel like i'm just starting out with dancing, even though it's been a focus for several years. I mean i don't think i'm deep enough to remain connected to dancing while non-dancing, while remaining still.

Good thing i have several modes of dancing, as i have of playing music, for i feel just one would become boring after a while or would render it's resources to nothing and i would be then still. For example, right now i don't feel the pull towards dancing in-between anymore, or at least not so much.

There is a question: why do i dance? I will answer it some other time maybe. It's a question that any respectable intellectual poses themselves when crunching it, anything really.

[..] is dancing just movement without an utilitarian purpose? Can movement with an utilitarian purpose be dance? Like grabbing something to drink. I think it can be dancing. Is dancing just the spirit of the movement?

Tadashi Endo says something that all major musicians say, that you have to find your own thing, what feels good in your body, something from your childhood, vocabulary that you inherited since being little. It's something i must do as well. I can do this in-between movement, and in time i bet i can gain some precision, but this is just an ability, it's not in itself an identity. As with music, i think i'll let time and exploration develop vocabulary naturally.

This movement in-between could be something to focus on at all times. So could a strictness of movement. But what if i get bored of these principles? Where is the freedom? I think part of my identity should, or needs to be this freedom to experiment and do what .. strikes my fancy at any given moment. If i move just in between and be strict about my range and stuff, where could humor reside? Does it have space in all this strictness? I truly think i need to take a step back and not set any rules for the future. On my focus board are stated modes of movement, and strictness is one of them, in-between is another, humor is yet another, and these are not the only three that are on there. I should be more forgiving and not adhere to a thing i decide with my big head, in search for development. I think, as is in zen meditation, that any kind of real progress can be made by just practicing your craft, without progress in mind. Not even in the back of your mind. Progress for progress' sake, isn't that what they say? That's how big companies with a simple system that works brilliantly ultimately fail miserably: they pay people to think of changes, based on the stupid marketing principle that you always have to bring something new to the table to keep the masses interested. This principle resembles the Bible a little, in the sense that it was invented by marketing people, enforced by the same marketing people as true, so they can still have a place to work. Corrupted by an abstract idea of progress. Same as with ambition. That's why i need to stay away from ambition, even though my therapist says it's natural and shouldn't be avoided. In my heart of hearts i feel it's a bad thing, at least for me. I don't lack motivation as a human being, so that ambition may be my motivation. My motivation is purity, at least it's a big part of it.

[..] at Baby Love's encouragement, i'm watching some amateur dancers. Maybe it's an acquired taste. I'm starting to appreciate it. I wanted to watch because in music and photography, for example, i like amateur stuff more than watching or listening to pros. And in dance i'm growing into it. I find that amateurs bring more of their everyday movement into the dance, you can tell more about who they are outside of the dance hall. Pros tend to chisel some imperfections out, and it's more vacuous. More pure in a sense, but less normal, if "normal" is a good word here. Less natural. More of what the body can do and less of the person's history of body memory.

In music, if i could improvise only with amateurs, i would be much more satisfied than with people who have practiced lots and lots of technique. Is dance the same? Does technique bring with itself a staleness, a stiffness? Perhaps.