Personal Diary / Journal - art, addiction and a whole lotta love

2020 Mar 15 Sunday

Yesterday was a Breaking Bad Binge and today it seems it will be the same. Baby Love is exercising each day, very proud of her. I on the other hand gained a bunch of weight since yesterday, we ordered kebabs. The courier had to leave the bags beside the door, we threw away the bags, it was a whole thing. Another whole coronavirus thing was today when i met with my parents and they gave us some money.

It's nice that we're together during this time of hard. Besides being together as a couple, we are together in spirit, cooperating and cohorting against the pandemic. We put procedures in place and follow them. I'm very pleased with us. Handling our resources very well, not forgetting to spoil ourselves from time to time so as to keep our spirits up. Not a single fight, we are united completely.

Yesterday we were watching a show on TLC, it's called 90 days fiancé. There was one instance worth mentioning because it sparked a conversation between us, it was a lady saying that her relationship coach boyfriend always knew the perfect thing to say and it was a little unnerving for her. Baby Love said she saw him online flirting with a client, telling her that her makeup was really becoming her. We were discussing the two aspects of this: 1. To make your clients feel happy with you so they come back - or - just flirting hideously, taking advantage of the weak seeking validation and 2. The discussion i posed was necessary between a relationship coach and their clients, about looks and appearance. I was postulating that a person that dresses or grooms themselves in a certain way should be aware that this has a direct connection with the people that will be attracted to them. Baby Love stated that this is not very important, and the time spent with the client should focus on the inner development, letting make-up and clothing follow naturally from an evolved individual. I don't know who is right but the discussion became heated a bit. I was saying that some time should be spent talking about image and the motivations behind certain looks versus the effect these looks may have on the dating game. Baby Love said that someone should not change the way they look just to attract a different crowd. I gave all the wrong examples and ultimately took it personal that Baby Love didn't agree with me, but now that i'm looking back, there's truth in what she said as well.

[..] quiet times. I felt tired, we went to sleep at 2 thirty last night and i woke up at nine to prepare for seeing my parents. I rested for a bit while taking a break from Breaking Bad, then Baby Love fell asleep. She's still asleep now, so i'm in the kitchen indulging.

Currently i'm listening to some indie folk at low volume on youtube on the laptop, which up until recently served another purpose. The sun is peeking between clouds and i feel content, even cracked open the window a bit, which had been closed due to the cold.

I wish i had a context of playing some indie folk myself, maybe with a singer-songwriter on guitar and me doing the solos. I tried to set something up with drums and bass, but we ended up playing avant-garde. I picture just a duo, with the other person doing most of the music thing, and me intervening only when they feel like a solo and leave some space for me.

Tomorrow i'm thinking of resuming my mind/body practice. .. in fact, i could do some practice now, take advantage of this quiet feeling that's holding me. Although, in this particular feeling, as well as the quarantine, i think the most appropriate thing to do with my body is just sit still on my kitchen chair and enjoy it in the quasi-silence portrayed by this almost quiet music. Maybe let my eyes wader the room, enjoying the light. .. watching the shadows breathe.

[..] the feeling passed relatively quickly, mostly because the stove needed cleaning. I did it, tidied up a bit in the kitchen and now time to wait some more, maybe the feeling will come back. ..nope, gone. Now i feel normal again.

[..] evening time. I indulged in the beer, at the encouragement of Baby Love, because i was having some State. Some frustration. I guess at least. Now i'm a bit tipsy. Kinda feel guilty about it, it was the only beer. Baby Love says she feels we'll order some groceries online from a supermarket that does delivery. I only have 3 packs of cigarettes left, so that means 6 days. I think we'll order some more stuff sometime this week.

I didn't use to lick the plates clean after each meal until i met Baby Love. In contrast, when i was little i always used to leave a small sliver of food in the plate, i think maybe a way to express control over my eating. I guess i wasn't an addict back then. Mostly i eat everything because it's so good now. If you would have told me then that when i'd be the age i am now, i'd meet someone who made the food taste better, i wouldn't have believed it possible.

I like the sound in Breaking Bad, i like it a lot. Makes me focused on the sounds around me more. Like movies back when sound wasn't so commercial, when there were artists at the mix.