Personal Diary / Journal - art, addiction and a whole lotta love

2020 May 26 Tuesday

Today the gas people will come and check our pipes for leaks, routine. Baby Love is gone at the park, but she's been gone a long time, and it's a bit late, already past 9am. Our agreement to which i begrudgingly agreed was for her to go to the park earlier in the day, at 6am or something. She hasn't called... I think that's her. Yes!

[..] i explained my woes related to stress to Baby Love, she understood completely and is very supportive. I will explain them to you too. Since the pandemic, the home is my refuge, safe haven in the middle of a deadly threat, the cursed virus. Outside is not an option, there is no balance between indoor and outdoor, no lean passage between the two, to go at any time in the park, on a bench, on the sidewalk or a cafe, or just walking around. So when things happen that threaten the peace of the nest i feel is our home, i get anxious and stressed out. This morning there was the cat who was meowing all through the time i spent waiting for Baby Love, and when she came, she had all these plans about our home, to paint the hallway, to try to clean the couch. There is the added intrusion of an order being delivered today for a new sex toy for the cat that it can hump better than the teddy bear it's had so far, and the intrusion of the gas guy coming to check for leaks once every two years. These things proved too much and i'm glad i said something because Baby Love proved very understanding, compassionate and supportive of my specific situation with the stress management.

I've started today with the new program and so far it's going great, when i was in the kitchen talking with Baby Love i kind of thought i would miss the music, but now, moving to the living room, it's ok so far without. 50 minutes until noongytuu -my keyboard disconnected for some reason, first time this happens. I turned everything off and on again and now it works fine. Phiew, i was terrified it stopped working. Thank the heavens!

I was saying that it's now 40 minutes until noon, and my hour of mind activities. Can't wait. It's nice not to have music, already there're very complex sounds going on, coming from outside, from Baby Love. I wonder what i'll occupy my time with in the designated hour. The plan was to do some language study and some chess, maybe some Khan Academy. We'll see. I could just listen to some music, it's on the list. Not sure about this music thing yet, it feels right not to have music, plus the battery expenditure is optimized this way. Less consumption. We'll see.

[..] i did the hour. Actually it was 45 intense minutes of playing chess, mind games and some language study, followed by a 15 minutes break. During the break i recorded some music, so technically i was back to my regular schedule. Now if i want to play some more chess i will have to wait until tomorrow. Until then.. nothing much.

The lack of music is not very harsh on me.

In 7 minutes the gas guy is supposed to come for his measurements. I doubt they will be on time, i'm kind of surprised they haven't come already. I'm prepared with everything. Of course there's always an unpredictability factor. I hope he doesn't ask to use the bathroom, i will have to turn him down.

[..] they came, they did, they left. Anyway, i've decided to, at least temporarily, discontinue my diary in English. It's too formal, i can't get into any specifics of my identity, and writing some in my native language has been like a breath of fresh air. I won't make it public though. I'll keep this here on Wattpad, and maybe start another publication with stories on the same account. I believe part of the purpose of this diary has been accomplished, and that's to be a platform for expressing my thoughts in English to practice it. That's good. I think i've written enough that i have crossed the threshold of beginnership, and have managed to steer away from any particular style of writing. Just my thoughts, albeit filtered. If (and i don't believe so) there will be many readers here of this diary, i may continue it in the future. Otherwise, this is farewell.