Everlong

46

It had been many months since the fall of Erebor, since the dragon came and made the Mountain its new home; there had been no word of what happened to the survivors of both the siege of the dwarven realm, but also the mortal city which neighboured it. Presumably anyone who did survive was able to relocate elsewhere and carve out another life for themselves, hopefully not dwelling on what was now lost. That didn't bear thinking about, remembering better, happier times.

There was partial guilt which plagued Liruliniel for a long time. She did feel guilty, she felt like she could've done more, although Thranduil was most adamant that there wasn't. He soon grew a bit fed up and short with her when she kept moping about miserable and depressive after the attack. She would be fine, and then she'd come over very melancholic. Liruliniel had replied bluntly to him once: "How can you not sympathise? We've lost a home too, surely you know the pain of that?" She thought it had been a wise move, although she also knew she had better luck getting blood from a stone. As if Thranduil was ever going to sympathise and feel sorry for the dwarves.

Thranduil had been seated at his desk when she said this, she was pacing around behind him. It was one of those rare days, where he decided to spend time doing whatever work he needed in the comforts of their room. So for this, he wasn't wearing the usual regal attire. It was a little odd to see him so casual, but even kings couldn't be so finely dressed and serious all the time. But nonetheless, he had looked over his shoulder at her rather blankly. "We had to leave Amon Lanc for another reason. It wasn't anything we had done which caused this."

Liruliniel had frowned, lips in a thin line and eyes dangerously narrowing. Thranduil's response was silence and the narrowing of his eyes too. There was no headway with this conversation, so she left it and collapsed in a chair to read a book she had plucked from the bookcase previously in her pacing. It was one he suggested she might like, something about valiant knights and treacherous trials a mortal had to go through to achieve something or other. In all honesty, she only half paid attention to what he said, she was slightly shocked that he was verbally recommending something to her.

These bouts of sadness over the dwarves lessened but didn't disappear, and it was an unspoken thing. Thranduil knew it was there, and he was willing to silently accept it, silently as in never speak of it or barely speak of it at all. That way he wouldn't feel his own temper and patience slip. He didn't have time to concentrate and worry over what happened, in his eyes it happened and there was nothing they could've done. Thranduil was more blunt on his views and thoughts unlike her, Liruliniel often had a way of overcomplicating things and thinking too much. It wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but it could be her worst trait at times. To further aid getting her mind off possible roaming dwarves, he entertained her idea about dealing with the spiders and trespassing orcs. To this Liruliniel had been ecstatic, more for the fact that he was genuinely asking her about things and listening to her opinions. Yes, it was something he did at times anyway, but most times she felt like she was being humoured more than anything. This time it felt very serious, he looked very serious as he spoke to her and the other council members about it.

Of course, when he stoically told her that she could be permitted out on patrols if she went with Legolas and Tauriel and was safe, and cautious, Liruliniel just about almost fell to the floor in a faint of shock and surprise. Mind, it was something which seemed to pain him to say. But ultimately, she needed something to do. That much was painfully obvious more now as time stretched on. She could only aid in training so long before she'd get itchy feet to physically arm herself and aid those which went out all the time. Thranduil had watched from the sidelines as Liruliniel came over pained and saddened when some didn't return, he knew full well this layered onto whatever guilt she held from the dwarves and it all merged together into a weird amalgamation. The problem with Liruliniel that Thranduil had always spied was that she took things too personally, she always took slights, damages and deaths as a personal blow to herself; like if she were there, something would've been different, she'd have been able to stop something from happening, someone wouldn't have lost their life. Unselfish to the point of it being painful, Thranduil conceded nonetheless to let her out, but not on every patrol. She was still not wholly at full strength and the ever creeping darkness would affect her even if she'd try and put on a brave face for him. Now that was painful, to have her pretend all was fine when it clearly wasn't. He never called her out on it, because he didn't want to argue the point with her, she'd stick her head in the sand and would no doubt go off in a strop. Rather like a naughty child having been told off, and Thranduil could not be bothered to contend with any of that. Life was difficult enough as it was, without his partner being livid at him.