Snicker & Tears

52: When It Rains, It Pours

“Hindi p'wede, Sie... 'di ba friends tayo?” Spencer replied as he tightened his arms holding Sierra's.

“Yes. And it's just as that. I'm just your friend. Just a friend. And you have a girlfriend now. I have no place in your life anymore.” She built up a force and pulled her arm out to get away from Spencer but that was not strong enough.

Spencer's further tightening grip on Sierra's arm. “Is it because of Darlene? Sagutin mo, is it because of her? Pinapalayo ka n'ya sa 'kin? Ha! Say it, Sie! Is she the reason why you're doing so--”

“NO!” she shouted out loud to Spencer until the man finally stopped shuddering and convulsing her and the girl was just frozen from where she stands when she remembered what Darlene had told her— that was freaking scared her ass.

“I have the names here of the Agustinians, our classmates who you hurt and bullied. And just a snap of my finger, they are willing to report you to the principal. Also, you know how powerful the Power Fan Girls are...” Darlene even remarked to Power Fan Girls who block the door of the comfort room and watch carefully “They can make you stand out on social media. We will spit out your rotten scent and force the school to expel a demonic student like you so that you will not be able to sow any evildoings within this Catholic school you attended.”

“Ako ang may gusto nito. It's... m-me.” Sierra lied though she knew Darlene had something to do with what is happening right now. “Peng, ayoko na. Gusto ko nang bumalik sa dati. I want to live a normal life, Peng. A peaceful one, away from chaos. Away from you!” she added, turning to Spencer.

“'Yan ba yung sinasabi mong-- 'When it rains, it pours'?” Spencer prevented Sierra from closing the gate. “'Di mo na 'ko papansinin, you'll leave at hindi na tayo ulit friends?” He asked as his eyes grew dim but his facial expression on his face didn't match the emotion he feel.

“I can no longer be your friend.” Sierra responded bitterly and slammed again the metal door of the open gate but Spencer was able to stop it from closing. Sierra left the door open and walked quickly nonadjacent to the guy.

Spencer entered sharply through the open gate and followed the woman walking fast. “'Yan! You're good at that! D'yan ka magaling. Tumalikod at mang-iwan! Duwag ka! ”

Sierra stopped her feet from walking and turned herself over to Spencer. “Duwag na kung duwag! But you can't take away my fear because when I'm always happy, every time I chose to be happy, there is always sadness in return!” Sierra said loudly, raising her tone of speech for the very first time. “My brother died, nang mga panahong masaya ako. My best friend died, when I was having fun. Last time I was happy, my mom had an accident and she can't speak now. She couldn't talk because of trauma. And, I lost my dad when I chose to be happy.”

Spencer carefully watched Sierra's face bagged in anguish and agony, knowing how those words breaking her heart and how painful it was to say those things— memories of her past that kept her chasing even in dreams and in every moment she felt of little happiness.

“Maybe, you're right Spencer for what you've said before. I'm a cursed girl.” She continued and tears began to form around her eyelids that will spurt anytime.

Spencer remembered that day.

They had just finished playing catching the baseball at Ayala Triangle Gardens when Spencer began asking questions until he could say “Sinumpa ka ba?" She looked at Sierra and when she saw the changes on its face he smilingly said “Joke lang.”

“Kaya pipiliin mong maging malungkot?” Spencer asked unmoved by his stand. “Don't you feel like you're being unfair to yourself?”

“Don't you get it, Peng? I'm afraid you're gonna lose too, 'cause when I'm with you, you always try to make me laugh. You're making me happy! You make me feel the thing I don't want to feel anymore.”

Spencer didn't respond to Sierra's words as if he couldn't believe he made Sierra happy. Although he didn't saw the girl literally laugh at all, deep inside the young lady was happy and bliss because of everything Spencer did to her.

“If being happy will put your life in danger, I'll just choose to be sad forever.” Every syllable of Sierra's words seemed to pierce her heart. She is already struggling with the situation but she is still fighting over her emotions.

Spencer spoke again when Sierra turned her back on him. “Yes, I admit. Naduwag din ako, Sierra. But now, I don't want to. Just tell me you need me, I would rather have our friendship than Darlene's relationship with me.”

“I don't want to have a user friend.” Sierra replied as she still turning away and ignoring her friend.

“Ano? A-Anong sinasabi mo? What do you mean, Sie?” Spencer was confused by what the girl was saying so he couldn't help but ask.

“It doesn't matter. Leave me now, Spencer.” Sierra still turned away and didn't want to look at the man because when she did, she might not be able to stop herself from crying.

“Sie...” Spencer said as he reached for Sierra's arm again to prevent it from leaving.

Sierra still escaped and didn't let Spencer touch her. “Stop pretending, Peng. You're enjoying your own show and you're getting better so much, you might be the best actor.”

“...”

Spencer then left Sierra's hand and let her finally walk into their house.

Heavy rain fell as Spencer walked away from Sierra's home and headed his way to their own home. He didn't even notice himself crying in pain caused by the situation earlier. Even though he was in a bad feeling cause his head aches, he would prefer to just walk in the rain so he could really get sick. He was soaked with rain when he got home and quickly went inside. He quickly climbed upstairs and hurriedly opened his bedroom door. He closed it loudly and took out the cellphone to play the song— “Sandali Lang / Silent Sanctuary”, hoping it would lighten up his condition but did not work.

“HAHAHAHA!”

He laughed loudly despite his desire to cry. He couldn't hold back his laughter until his emotions suddenly changed. He could see himself crying and still uncontrollable too. Remembering the last words Sierra had told him earlier before finally stepping away.

“Whenever I see the curve on your lips, everytime I hear you laugh, you're ruining my world. I hate the idea of ​​being happy so I'll stop you from being one.” Sierra said, not throwing even a single glance to the guy she's talking to.

Tears began falling from her eyes but she still managing her voice not to make it sound like she was really crying. She need to finish her words and make Spencer unconscious that she's weeping that's why she was unable to face him. “Besides, I find myself irritated everytime I hear your obnoxious laughs. It always makes me wonder ... I don't know if you're normal or not? Crazy or insane? 'Cause you always laugh at serious situations and cry on little yet useless things. Disgusting.”

Staring on his cellphone's screen which was getting wet because of the tears falling down from his sorrowful eyes— currently tabbed in Spotify and still listening to that music. He explain his self to him, he just said it to himself for he doesn't want Sierra know about his mental condition.

“I laugh even if I'm not happy. I cry even if I'm not feeling sad. And, I can't stop. I can't prevent myself. How will you know what I truly feel when this is my illness— emotions that I cannot control.”

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