Guns & Roses || (August Alsina)

90.

Omniscient

Sitting in the car Shawn sighed resting his head on the window. Watching the clouds move he rested his eyes. He had been in this car for the last fifty minutes and surprisingly wished he'd be in there longer.

Currently, they were on their way to Angola to see Tashuan, his father. It was painful for him to even twist his mouth to call him any more than his sperm donor. He wasn't there and during this time when Shawn needed him the most, he still wasn't.

After hiding in Kaylee's room for the longest he got the courage to go through his things. Any movement felt like a knife going through his spine but he needed to get up from that bed or he'd die on it.

He found an envelope of letters Kaylee had written as a kid but never sent to their father. It was some about his life like normal, asking if he ever really loved him and if he would come home and some of him cursing him out from the moon and back.

One that stuck out to him was the most recent ones of Kaylee expressing his hurt and frustration. How he wished the three of them could move pass their broken history and create a bond. How he missed him and how Shawn was the reason he couldn't get himself to visit. Kaylee felt like him creating a bond with Tashuan would hurt and betray Shawn. He took the father role and he deserved to keep it.

Shawn couldn't believe he felt that way. It bothered him to the core. He never knew he was holding Kaylee back from creating the bond he desperately wanted with their dad.

He couldn't lie and say he would be okay with it because he wouldn't. He would have felt away regardless. Shawn thought Tashuan didn't deserve knowing them. He would never be mad at him but he wouldn't have thought it was a good idea. The man he remembered was fucked up and selfish. Kaylee was just too young and blind to see it.

He might have not loved the man like he did but his opinion didn't matter. He just knew the man for who he really was and couldn't see himself seeing him ever but here they were driving to his life long home.

"You okay?" Lora questioned glancing from the road to him.

Nodding his head he slouched some in his seat. Shawn could see the signs appear slowly in the distance. A nervous feeling drove over his flesh. He wasn't ready to see this man but he had to.

I have to, he thought.

After what felt like seconds they were pulling into a parking spot.

Cutting the car Lora sat back in her seat looking to him. He wasn't the only one who was nervous. She and Royalty had never met his father of course let alone been in a prison. She just really hoped this went well.

"All the shit I been through this the hardest shit I ever did in my life. I feel like a bitch the way my heart beating right now" He spoke with fear thick in his tone.

With a light smile, she looked to Royalty who had fallen asleep about 20 minutes ago.

"You're not a bitch. You haven't seen him in years, you should expect to be nervous. Anyone would be"

"Yea but I'm scared to even go in there. See his face.." He sighed. "...see my brothers face"

Nodding her head she rubbed his leg.

"It's hard but like you said you've been through worse. You got this. You need to get some type of closure from this whole situation and life is too short. Do this for Kaylee because this is what he wanted you to do. We came this far"

Drawing a breath he nodded.

"Plus, I made sure I was here. I'm forever your support system. Whenever you're ready and it's too much we'll go. I move when you move"