Still Holding On

eight

"Being vulnerable enough but also not too much is a fine art and trust me it is difficult to achieve kids." Mrs. Tilsley said. Her voice was laced with clear experience.

Sometimes I wonder if she genuinely means all that she says here. Its kinda hard to believe she herself follows what she says. Saying comes easier than doing. But does she really do what she suggests us to do? For instance being vulnerable. How could you not be vulnerable to falling for someone? Did she think about that when she was getting ready this morning—brushing her dark hair, slipping in those skinny jeans and an oversized jacket—to speak before us? Did she ever think about how hard would it be for any of us to not be vulnerable to feelings? Does she even know what teenagers face nowadays?

Sure she has experience. And be it a woman like her, she must hold tons of it. But has she ever thought about what is she suggesting practically? I don't think so.

"What do you think about ignorance Amy?" Mrs. Tilsley looked towards Amy.

She looked down at her hands for a minute and then stood up "It is better to ignore weak thoughts than to be vulnerable towards them. Ignoring helps avoid a bigger mental mess according to my perspective."

Oh boy! These people were ruining my favorite word for me somehow by repeatedly using it in dumb sentences that genuinely don't make sense. STOP USING 'VULNERABLE' for fucks sake.

I notice Jace who is sitting behind Amy as she sits down. He has a subtle way of presenting himself and that's quite eye-catching.

He speaks in his fading voice with a slight rustle of it slowly wearing out "So you telling me I gotta ingore what I feel?"

Upfront much!

But that was a point. Mrs. Tilsley was basically asking us to ignore what we felt.

"If I actually trust that crazy thought and start ignoring what i feel, wouldn't I end up bottling up a whole lot of feelings and emotions." Now that everyone could hear him, he kept his voice low. "What if that's the reason of my attempt? What if I attempt cus I feel too much at the same time, all at once?"

Again. He had a crystal clear point.

"And what the hell is.." He used his hands to air quote "'Being Vulnerable.' In your terms, being vulnerable is bad and also good, okay! But who teaches us how to not be vulnerable cus you so clearly don't seem to."

A slight uneasiness arrived in my throat. My fingers rustled over each other as I trembled on the thought of speaking. But that wouldn't stop me, would it?

"But why not be vulnerable?" A loud shout came gushing out through my lips, emotionless and everyone turned towards me. This was bad but yet I couldn't stop myself from speaking.

"Why not be vulnerable to what I want to feel then to just stuff it down, push it down for it to only come rushing out to the surface to haunt me later. Isn't it better that I rather feel, face my feelings or thoughts than keep on avoiding them." NONONONO!!! WHY WAS I SPEAKING "I was taught facing issues was a better option than being a coward and shoving it all under the layers of pretend. Isn't that what suicide is called? Cowardice?"

My voice must have been a bit harsh as from what I tried to make out of everyone's faces. It was hard as everyone was rather shocked about me finally opening that big mouth of mine and speaking out loudly than sitting there like a dummy ignoring whatsoever I heard.

He slightly smiled.

Jace slightly smiled. Our eyes met. In the entire room the only person who wasn't shocked was him. And also the only person whose opinion mattered.

WAIT!!! Why does Jace's opinion matter to me? It shouldn't. Why would it? We just met. Like we didn't even actually meet.

He was still smiling. I don't get it. I am so confused. There is something so weirdly intriguing about his smile, its really getting on my nerves.

———❁———

The air was slightly moist. Soothing. Everything was covered in a blue hue—A soft blue hue unleashing all the pale colours of the place. The sunlight was scattered. Like dancing it's way through the heavy dark clouds.

It was pouring. I wouldn't call it drizzling. Too much for drizzling. I would rather refer to it as a soft rain.

I wanted to stand in the rain than the shade. It would feel amazing—the rain drops falling slowly on the slopes of my bare skin as I stood in the middle of the road. But I couldn't get wet as of 1. I don't want the car to get dirty and 2. I don't have enough time to go home and get changed—Game Of Thrones awaits.

I looked onto my side. Jace was rushing through the rain, trying not to get wet. He quickly came under the shade. He was smiling. But something wasn't the same about it. It wasn't the smile he had inside while the session was going on. That smile—it basically said he wanted to stand out. Like it clearly meant that he loved staying different.

"Hey!" I heard him say as I noticed his gruff voice.

"Hey." I sounded monotonous. Like I had an attitude. I didn't mean to. It just came out that way.

❁❁❁

So this is how they finally start speaking. I know i rushed things through this chapter but I just couldn't wait to finally make them meet.

Anyways. Do vote and comment about your favorite part from this chapter hehe.

<3