Still Holding On

twelve

I was standing there right in front of Cole's house. I have been here probably all my life, but today feels the worst.

This was a bad idea. I shouldn't be here anyways. Everyone outside was looking at me. Is this how the rest of the party is going to go? Why would I be here if I knew I was gonna be given these death stares.

He is standing on the porch. Jace is standing there on the porch with Maddie, who just screamed holy fuck out loud after setting eyes on me.

Sooooooooooooo. What the fuck am I supposed to do now?

"Heyyyy. You came! Still can't believe it." Cole popped up from somewhere. I was still standing by the roadside at the start of the property.

I side-eyed him as I said "Yeah sure! Shall I read your texts to you?" He spammed me saying how I owe him a favor from a really long while ago. I owe him too many favors that we never counted. But I couldn't help it. I had to agree with him. I owed him a favor from eighth grade. I clearly don't remember what it was, but I am sure I owe him one.

"There is no need for that. Relax Allan, It's going to be okay. People will talk, but that shouldn't stop you from enjoying right?" He was trying to calm me down. And it was working. And he was quoting Jessica. He clearly knows me well. Too well.

Cole had to leave. People wanted him around. So he asked me to make myself at home. He sounded super grown up when he said so. 

Jace was walking towards me. White t-shirt tight on his skin, bright black jeans, a little locket and beautiful hair. Those hair. How could anyone have such amazing hair? Like I just can't stop imagining how smooth would they feel when touched.

"Heyyyyy!" Jace blurted. Sounded excited.

"Hey." I gave an equally dull response.

"Thought you weren't coming. What changed your mind?" He asks too many questions. Guess the hair is the only beautiful thing about him. At least he was better than everyone else, who were so evidently looking at me like I had just committed a homicide.

"I owed Cole a favor. Guess he played me." I was shocked how sarcastic I was being.

"Oh."

silence. More silence. And even more silence.

"Cool! Come in." He motioned towards the house.

We walked in through the door. The very door that I have walked in through at least a million times now since childhood. It was crowded. People were rushing, some were dancing and others were mostly talking over drinks. In red cups. Why does every party have red cups? I mean from what I have seen in shows and movies about high school teenagers, every party has those super red plastic cups. Why? Are there like no more colors available or is it like a mandatory process or something?

Many people looked at me but most of them didn't bother giving a fuck. Good for me. Jace went to get a drink. When he asked me, I denied and walked towards the kitchen. I took out a bottle of cold water and ran downstairs to the basement, hoping there would be no one else down there. Strangely my expectations were never met. The place was lit up with dim blue lights. I remember Cole begging for these LED lights for his basement. The music was quite loud here too and there were people all over the basement, a little less, but people were still here.

I went and took a seat on the couch. The same couch where I, Jess and Cole used to watch tons and tons of movies. We basically used to hang out in Cole's basement like all the time.

I took a sip from the bottle when I saw Jamie. It made me uneasy. Why wouldn't it? He caught me looking at him. It was sorta scary how he just passed that wicked smile. He didn't even know me. Wasn't that gonna count up for anything? I mean it's just weird how you are once labeled as something, you just stay labeled. It's really so damn hard to get out of these labels. Like small cages locking me up for almost forever. Does this end though?

I see Jace talking to some guys around the stairs. He wasn't there earlier though. And now he is walking. Towards me.

Its really awkward with him. He keeps trying to make up a conversation but I just naturally dull it off. It's my usual nature and I can't really do much about it. I don't want to sound rude but unintentionally I do.

"Here you go." Jace tried to hand me a cup filled with some drink.

"I don't drink." I hesitated.

"Yo for real?" Yeah Jace for real. I don't drink. If I get high, shit would go real real real down.

"Yeah!" I just spoke cus the weird silence was getting to me.

"You aren't really enjoying this party. Something wrong?" He asked.

No. Nothing is wrong. Except for people looking at me, dead in the eye. It's like they are literally telling me that I don't belong here, in this room filled with all popular kids who don't go all tipsy just after one drink and know how to handle their emotions.

Yeah Jace. "Nothing's wrong."

"Okay.. where would you be if not here?" He asked.

"Somewhere comfortable. Cozy. In a blanket in a cold as fuck room and just read another book. Or maybe even binge another bunch of episodes of Friends even though I have watched it since like forever." I couldn't be stopped once I get the flow "I would be somewhere more quite. Maybe sit up by the roof of my house. Maybe in an empty park." I blurted out.

"Gulp down a glass and take me where you'd wanna be at this minute." WHAT THE FUCK DID HE JUST SAY?!!

"Why? That would be weird!" I hope I sounded calm. I tried sounding calm.

"I am not enjoying this party and I can see you aren't loving it much either so let's skip it? What do you think?" He spoke.

 I think I don't know you. I think you are crazy. I think this is a stupid Idea. I think it isn't such a bad idea. I don't know what I think about it. (or anything else in my life)

"Sure okay. Cool." I creek with nervousness.

He looks at me and hands me the glass he was holding for me. "Drink it up."

"No. How will I drive after this?" I try finding an excuse.

"Who said we taking a car?" He snuggled up restlessly where he stood "We walking." He did sound assertive "Okay Allan. Quick." He gestured towards the cup in my hand.

It was just one cup. That wouldn't be too much right? Should I refuse again? Like it would seem really rude. But...

"Oh boii!" I sighed right before I chugged down the entire cup. It was BURNING. Like a million match sticks just lit up in my throat.

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