Still Holding On

twenty-one

So I've been kinda sick. All the late nights at starbucks and all that ice-cream I had with Jace is finally acting up.

Jace.

So Jace and I haven't talked since yesterday after the whole crush talk in the car yesterday morning. I didn't quite understand his reaction. It was more like he was irritated. Is he homophobic? Then is having a crush on him cool? Is all I have been thinking since yesterday.

I mean it explains why he left the car so abruptly. And then no texting. No calls.

Hmm.

Nishi is busy with Cole. Obviously. She called an hour ago and said she'd drop by in an hour. It's been an hour. I am waiting for her. She'll at least get me out of my bed.

That's her. She will light up the entire room without even noticing.

The doorbell just rang. Nishi is finally here. I heard the staircase creek just a little bit. The third one from the top always creeks. I got a little excited. Just a little.

I heard a knock on my door. Why? Nishi never knocks. Never. I got off my bed as I heard another little knock on the door. I rushed to the door in complete confusion and opened it.

A sudden wave of adrenaline rushed through my body. I can only imagine what my face looked like as from the inside I was extremely extremely shocked.

My fingers shivered as I saw him standing there—Rough messy hair. Cute little eyes that ran till deep extents and then there was his jawline—Okay I have no words for the jawline. But his hair. My face was probably pale with the emotional crisis my head and my heart were going through.

He was standing there with a little smile on his face. Jace was standing outside my room and here I was standing half naked with just some shorts and a weird tank top which literally showcased most of my chest.

"Hot chocolate?" He gave another smile as he motioned 2 cups with lids on towards me and it literally made my heart fold.

I somehow muttered up the courage and tried speaking, knowing my words were gonna eventually betray me. "Hey."

I sounded shocked but clearly too excited. And that's on not having a control on your emotions when you see your crush.

I JUST CALLED HIM MY CRUSH IN MY HEAD. It sounded so good.

SO FUCKING GOOD.

"Nishi was supposed to come but she had to run back home. Cole's sister spilled milk on her." He was bad at lying and it was evident. And cute.

I turned and went and sat into my rolling chair by the table as I spoke "Cole's sister hates milk. She drinks coffee ever since last year. So what was Nishi really upto?" I tried acting like the little know-it-all. Kinda proud though.

He walked in and I gestured towards the bed. He sat and placed the two cups on my table. He said "Fine.... Caught me! I just wanted to see you." We looked at each other. He let out a sigh and his hand reached for his neck/head. He was shy telling all of this.

He wanted to see me. ME AS IN ALLAN COLEBROOKS. THE WEIRD GAY GUY FROM SCHOOL? Wow! My stomach started growling deep down inside.

"I am kinda sorry about my reaction yesterday." He was apologizing.

I cut him off in between "I mean if you are homophobic there is no—" WHY THE FUCK AM I SO RUDE?

"Wait what?!" He said as he didn't let me complete.

"Yeah I mean if you are homophobic this apology doesn't matter at all." I said, a little bit of sadness lacing my voice.

He laughed for a while. "I am not homophobic, Allan." He giggled yet again "I just—I don't know why I reacted the way I did. But I can assure you it was not cus you're into guys."

A wave of relief moved through my body. It was stupid how I assumed it and it was embarrassing. But it was cleared out and that's what mattered at the minute.

"Okay fuck. Shoot. Sorry..." I was clearly babbling.

"It's okay Allan."

CAN HE STOP TAKING MY NAME LIKE THAT? Maybe he doesn't know, scratch that, obviously he doesn't know what him taking my name in his rough fading raspy voice does to me. Why thewaiting fuck is it always so attractive when someone takes your name?

I've never felt so bagged in front of anyone. Emotionally or physically. It's like I am just becoming too easy to read through. Why?!

"But then I still don't understand your reaction." I blurted. NOOOO!

"I think now I do." He smiled as he spoke.

"Tell me why then?" I sounded like a curious kid waiting to open his birthday presents.

His hands reached for my chair as he pulled it just a little closer to himself and the bed.

"Is this weird?" He asked.

His head was literally just an inch or two away. I could kiss him. I actually never felt this urge. Never but today. I never wanted to kiss anyone. It was something I thought I'd never do. But right now it all just felt so sudden but also so right. I wanted to move my hands along his face and his hair but I stiffened and kept them down. His eyes were irresistible. He was irresistible. Our breaths tangled and we both felt it. I know he did. It was beautiful but strange. For the first time in seventeen years, I wanted to be kissed.

Kiss me Jace! I wanted to scream it out loud and clear so he heard. But I didn't. I couldn't. I was paralyzed. Completely paralyzed. I gazed at his lips and I looked into his eyes as they grew immensely darker every second. He was breathing harder than usual and so was I. It was intimate and this is how I knew. I closed my eyes as if it could happen any second now. As if he would pull me into his arms and let me feel his lips. But my stupid mouth opened and I said something and now I regret it.

"No. It's new. And beautiful." I answered his question.

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I am enjoying writing this story so much at this minute. Its beautiful how hopeful and cute things are getting between Jace and Allan.

Vote for this chapter if you liked it and don't forget to comment. Teehee

<3