Always. (A Draco Malfoy Story)

Confused.

I get back to the dungeons and went straight to my room.

I plopped face down onto my bed and screamed.
What is going on with me?
I thought I hated Draco.
So why did I want to kill Pansy more than usual when I saw them together?

An owl coos as it landed on our windowsill. It's the Malfoy's owl, but Draco is here?

I take the letter and open it up as the owl hangs around for a bit.

Joy,

I'm very sorry this letter is coming to you so late. I wanted to check with you and see how you were doing, with your mom gone.

I wanted to let you know that you are always welcomed to our home whenever you'd like. We've already talked to your Father about it.

We're actually having a Christmas ball this year, if you'd like to join us. We'd love to have you.

Narcissa

So they've talked to Father. At least I know he's still alive, then.
I gave the owl a treat before letting it fly away. I don't know if I should write back, so I just didn't.

-

I ended up sleeping way earlier than I intended to. I was sleeping since 7.

That night, I ended up having another nightmare.

I'm in front of the same mirror again. I see my reflection, except... it doesn't look like me. But I still know that it's me, does that make sense?
Voldemort appears to my side and places his hand on my shoulder. He begins to maliciously grin.

My body has been shaken awake forcefully that I jump up from the covers. I see Binky standing at the edge of my bed, "Binky? What are you doing here? It's the middle of the night." I turn on the lamp on my bedside table.
"I'm sorry to bother you, Miss Joy. But Binky needed to tell Miss Joy of what is happening at home." Binky started to fiddle with his cloth covering.
I bring him closer to me, "Binky... are you ok? Are you hurt? What's going on?" I look him over, making sure he no cuts or bruises.
"Master is home, Miss Joy." Father is home?
I hold Binky by the shoulders, "Since when, Binky?" He gulps, "Tonight."
He goes on, "But he did not arrive alone, Miss Joy." I look at him confused, "Who else it at the house?"
"Master Malfoy."
"Lucius?" Binky nods.
He fiddles with his cloth covering again, "I overheard them talking, Miss Joy. Something about you."
I sit up even more, "What? What did they say, Binky?"
Binky looks at the clock. "Oh! I must go, Miss Joy! Master does not know Binky left." I sigh but nod my head. "I'll be home for Christmas, ok?" I kiss him on the head, before he apparated back to the house.

I fall back into bed, staring at the ceiling before going into a deep sleep.

-

I woke up to a knock on our door. I throw a pillow towards Tori's bed, in hopes that I woke her up so she can answer the door instead of me. After not hearing her groan, I looked over to see that she's not even in her bed. I groan and slowly got myself out of bed to answer the person who's still knocking.

I swing the door open and see Adrian standing in the hallway. "Can we talk?"
I rub my eyes before motioning for him to come in. He sits on my desk chair as I take a seat on my bed, still half-asleep.

"Good morning."
"Mhm." I'm fighting my drowsiness.
"I didn't see you at dinner last night."
"Yeah, I was sleeping."
"And you only woke up now?" I just nod.

He sighs, "I just wanted to apologize for the way I acted."
I look at him and also sigh, "I guess I'm sorry too. If a girl flirted with you in front of me, I would've killed her." He chuckles, "Yeah, you would."

It's quiet for a bit before he grabs my hand, and looks at me. "I love you."

He... what?

I just stared at him. I'm literally speechless.
I can't say it back, right? I don't know what love is. Do I love him? Do I not?

Instinctively, I flashed him a smile and kissed his cheek.
He asked if I wanted to get breakfast with him, but I said I wanted to sleep for a little while more. He nods and left me in my room.

He said he loves me.

I lay in my bed, staring at the ceiling.
I start to overthink. About literally everything. All my thoughts run through my head, before I come to a conclusion.

I don't love him.

Oh for fucking Salazar's sake.