𝙉𝙤𝙬 𝙄'𝙢 𝙃𝙚𝙧𝙚 || ᴅᴇᴀʟᴏʀ ✓

11 - They said we made a perfect pair

-JOHN-
This is it. This is finally it. The band is now on its way to do the North American leg of the News of the World Tour, and I couldn't be more excited

The time leading to this was surely one heck of a roller coaster ride. All of us have spent sleepless nights rehearsing our setlist, perfecting our transitions in between songs, and directing the stage lights for the performance. We were absolutely exhausted, but we are having so much fun and I loved it.

After everything I have went through with the band, I think I can say that I have changed a lot since I joined years ago. My confidence level grew, especially on stage, and I now write songs! I couldn't actually believe that I could do it but the boys were really supportive when I did.

I was doing a lot for the band now, and I don't feel as outcasted as I was before.

Another thing has also changed: MY HAIR. My shoulder-length hair was cut to a school boy bush, and I really liked it. It gave me a sense of freedom around my head as opposed to when I still had that long hair. It always gets stuck in my bass guitar strap and it really hurts my scalp. Ouch!

I was just waking up from the quick nap I took before I need to meet everyone at the airport. We will be onboarding on a twelve and a half hour flight from London Heathrow Airport to Portland International Airport in Oregon, then we will go straight to Hyatt Place Hotel for a little bit of snooze before sound check and the performance proper.

The kettle was whistling as I entered the kitchen and I took a mug with a tea bag and poured it in. I also slipped some toast in the toaster and took some butter from the fridge. I was so hungry that I couldn't wait for the food they'll serve on the plane so I have to snack now before I leave.

I looked at the clock and went upstairs to get my luggage and carry on bag, then I changed into my travel clothes. I decided to wear something warm because I know how cold I'll get on the plane. I checked everything before I closed the bedroom lights and I realized my passport wasn't in my bag so I looked in the drawers to find it.

I was panicking a bit because I was so close to getting late for our flight when my eyes was brought to the bedside table drawer and I opened it. I saw my passport and I sighed in relief as I slipped it in my back pocket. Before I closed it, something caught my eye...

It was something silver and it shined through the dark corner of the drawer. It was the promise ring and necklace I gave Roger. My heart hurt when I saw it as it brought back a lot of memories, a lot of happy memories. I smiled as I remembered his smooth skin, his soft blonde hair, and his adorable big blue eyes.

I sat at the corner of my bed and took the jewelry in my hand. I can still imagine the ring wrapped around his finger that I loved to kiss so much, and the necklace around his neck touching his sweet spot, a spot that makes him go insane whenever I kiss it. 

A sad smile formed on my lips as I reminisced my relationship with the blonde haired boy. But a tear fell down on my cheek when my brain flashed back to that day.

I admit that Roger became my least priority when I started my MSc. I was too caught up with my academics and studio work that I almost had no time for him, and I felt guilty about that.

Sometimes, I try to make time for him so we could atleast be together, even if it is for a couple of hours only. But I know it wasn't enough for Roger, and I can still remember the sad look on his face as I declined when he asked me to stay the night at his flat.

It was awful, I know. I wanted to be in his arms all day and all night long, but I was too overloaded with things that I have to do that I set aside the thing I loved the most: Roger.

I was at fault when our relationship ended, and I don't blame him either for leaving me. My eyes saw his flowing, blonde hair running out of the cafeteria as I pushed Veronica out of my lips. He was no where to be found when I reached the end of the hall outside. He disappeared out of my sight.

My heart was beating so fast as I took a cab to his flat. I knocked and knocked until I heard a soft whimper behind the door. He won't speak to me, he won't unlock the door. "Talk to me, love. Please." I knocked again but it seemed that he had no intention of hearing me at all.

I was sniffling through the tears when Roger's face peeped out of the small space he made as he opened the door and my heart broke at the sight of him. His eyes were all puffy and red, his once beautiful hair was a mess, and his lower lip was shaking. I caused this. I caused him this pain.

"Love." I whispered as I tried to come near him but he pushed me away and threw the jewelry I gave him on my chest. "I don't want to see you anymore." Roger whimpered and he shut the door, eventually shutting me out of his life.

I came back, day after day, giving him letters and trying to talk to him. But he was ignoring me. He wouldn't even return my calls and everything just went to voicemail.

Wow. This must be how he felt when I was too busy to even pick up the phone when he would call me. I was an asshole and he didn't deserve the treatment I gave him.

Being in the studio with him during those times was no better. It was as if I wasn't even there, and he relies on Freddie or Brian to tell me what he wanted to say like "John, your rhythm isn't in sync with the beat" or "Do it one more time but a little bit slower, please." The two of them just shrugged when I snapped back at them, asking why was he not the one telling me all those things.

Well, maybe it was a little bit better to be in the studio with him because atleast I get to see him, even if he doesn't even speak to me. But on the other hand, I don't want to see him as he had this distraught look on his face that I know I caused.

Fast forward to right now, we haven't really talked about what happened with our relationship. I mean, he now speaks to me, but it was unlike before. It was more of so he could be professional with me. For him, work is still work. And I was still his co-worker, so he tried to be atleast civil with me.

I went back to reality when the phone rang. It was Freddie. "Where are you, John? It's getting late."

"I'm sorry. I left my passport and I went back to find it. I'm on my way now." I said, rushing through my words as I slipped the jewelry on my pocket. I heard him hum and I put the phone down then drove to the airport.

The three boys were sitting near the window of the boarding area as I tried calling their attention by waving at them and Brian saw me and hurried towards me. "What happened? You're late." He said as he took my carry on bag and slung it to his shoulder.

"I left my passport. I'm sorry." I said and he just patted my back and smiled at me. Freddie saw me walking towards the group and he hugged me then flicked my ear. "You're late!" He teased and I giggled. "But since I love you, you're forgiven." His affection do not come as a shock to me anymore because we treat each other practically like brothers.

Roger remained in his seat as he looked at the runway outside. I know that he is aware that I've arrived but he chose to ignore me. "Hey." I said as I approached him. He looked at me and smiled a little then went back to look outside.

Even though we were civil with each other, he was still cold to me. And I totally understand.

I sighed to myself as I went to sit on a bench, away from him to give him some space. I saw a hint of sadness on his eyes as his lips turn into a frown and my heart hurt.

I fucked things up so bad, didn't I?