𝙉𝙤𝙬 𝙄'𝙢 𝙃𝙚𝙧𝙚 || ᴅᴇᴀʟᴏʀ ✓

24 - I can't face this life alone

"Hi, baby boy." I cooed at the squirming baby on my bed, and he immediately stopped crying and looked at me. He has these big, baby blue eyes that he got from Roger. "What do you need, my baby?" I kissed his nose, and he began bumping his forehead on my lips repeatedly.

"Aww, that hurts." I feigned my sadness and even pouted my lips for exaggeration, and he looked at me, giggled, and did it again. "Don't hurt your uncle." I pouted even more and he just giggled again. I tried moving my face away because it made my lips kind of numb, but he cried, so I just let him continue physically assaulting me. Just kidding!

Felix was a very cute, four-month-old baby. He was chubby, and he has rolls on his arms and legs. His cheeks were very soft and round, and he has thick light black hair. I noticed that he liked sucking his thumb a lot, sometimes he even put his whole fist in his mouth, which is what he was doing right now.

"Are you hungry, sweetie?" I said as I tried to remove his hand from his mouth and guess what? He slapped his wet, slobbered hand on my face which shocked me a lot and I immediately wiped my face on my sleeves. "Alright, I think I have to sock your hand now." I put him down on his back to find his hand socks in the baby bag. He was making little whimpering noises then he rolled over and made flapping movements with his hands.

"Oh my god, you rolled over! Can you do that before?" I said excitedly and almost jumped on the bed. "Freddie, come over here! Felix just rolled over! It's amazing!" I shouted and Freddie hurriedly came to the room and smiled at the little baby. "Aww. He's so cute. You're so cute, aren't you, my love?" He cooed and rubbed the baby's back.

Felix was bumping his head on the bed again and I held his forehead so he won't get dizzy. "Don't do that, baby. You'll hurt yourself." I said then picked him up and he kept patting my cheeks with his little fist, saying "dadadada" over and over again.

"Do you miss your dada?" I asked and he just continued repeating it over and over again. Well, I was not really expecting him to answer me so I just smiled at him. "I'm not your dada, my boy. But don't worry, he'll be here later, okay?" I kissed his cheek and laid him down on the bed when I noticed that his eyes were slowly closing. The poor little thing must be tired.

"You look good with a baby, dear." Fred smiled at me. "You think so?" I looked at him and he nodded. "You do. You'll make a great father in the future." He patted me in the back and stood up when the doorbell rang. "I'll get that, that must be Roger."

I glanced at the wall clock of my room and saw that it was past dinner time. I gently patted Felix's tummy and hummed a little tune as I stared at his angelic face. "That's a nice song, John." Roger's voice echoed in the room and I looked up and saw him smiling by the door.

"How's Dominique?" I asked as he made his way to the bed and sat on the end of it. "Her gastritis attacked earlier and her vomits has blood on it, that's why I took her to the hospital. But she's okay now and she's resting." He said and I nodded. "Do you need to take Felix home now?"

"It's okay if you still want to hang out with him. Dominique won't be discharged until tomorrow morning so I'll get him by then." He scooted over beside me then took Felix and laid him, tummy down, on his chest. "I do. I still want to hang out with him." I smiled and laid down on my side and rubbed Felix's back.

Roger's smile widened when I kissed the baby's palm. "Don't look at me like that." I rolled my eyes and he chuckled a bit. "It's great to see you two together. It's cute." He said and smiled at me again. "Well, he's cute so that must be what you're seeing." I giggled softly so I won't wake the baby up and slapped his arm.

His eyes immediately went to my finger, the finger where I wore the ring that he gave me. "You're still wearing that." He whispered softly and I looked away. I wanted to take off the ring but my body seemed to forget how to move. He gently laid Felix down on the bed and took my hand, staring at it like some kind of relic, then he ran his thumb over the ring.

He smiled a little and gave it a little kiss so I quickly pulled my hand away. He was a little bit surprised by my actions and he looked up at me. "No. Don't do that." My voice came out sad, hinting that I will break down anytime, and I don't want him to see that.

"I'm sorry." He apologized and I nodded, then laid down on the bed beside Felix. He also laid down, sandwiching the baby in the middle. "I can't believe I'm in bed with you. I never thought it would happen again." He said as he brushed the hair off my face. I just stared at him and he gave me a small sigh. "You make my heart happy." He said as he closed his eyes and hugged his baby, immediately falling asleep.

That was the last straw. I turned my back to him and tried to prevent the tears from falling down. I stood up and walked to the living room where Freddie was watching the telly on the sofa and I immediately slumped beside him and hugged him tightly, letting the tears flow and he was calming me down. "Shh. Don't cry, darling. It's gonna be okay."

"I still want him, Fred." I sobbed heavily on his shoulders and he circled his palm around my back. "I know you do, John. I know you do." He whispered on my ears and he sighed.

"I'm sorry, I must look like a pathetic fool right now." I chuckled through my tears as I pulled away and he shook his head. "No, dear. You aren't. You're hurting right now and it's okay." I nodded and looked down. "He said I make his heart happy, Fred." My voice was small but he heard me and he hummed.

"We should've been a family. Why can't we be a family!" I said and more tears came out of my eyes. "We've been through this, John. You know the answer to that." He slowly told me and I nodded. "I know. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, my dear. Do you want me to make you some tea?" I nodded and he stood up. I laid my body on the couch and stared at the ceiling.

Why are you like this, John? Why do I keep on crying over a finished relationship? Why can't I just move on?

Why can't you do that, John?

"Here's your tea, darling." Freddie's voice took me out of my thoughts and I sat up and took a sip. I inhaled the sweet scent of the lemon tea and it immediately calmed my nerves down. 

"Feeling better?" I nodded and rested my head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around my body and hugged me tightly.

"I'm sorry that you always have to see me like this. I'm trying to stop, I swear." I mumbled and he hushed me. "How many times do I have to tell you to stop apologizing? It's nothing, you know that." He said.

"Okay." I whispered as my eyes went heavy and drifted off.