RANT BOOK

School, parents, boys, fuck em all!

0ctober 26, 2020

HI this might be the weirdest thing i've ever done but it's alright. basically I'm just gonna use this as like some sort of journal LMAO so that I can rant because I always got shit to say about what's going on in my life so yeah.

To start off, my mom has been bugging the HELL out of me recently. Just to give you some background info, last school year I started doing REALLY bad in school and I failed all of my classes during my second trimester because I was depressed asf for a variety of reasons but my parents don't really understand that and it's SOOOO FRUSTRATINGGG. Like seriously they act like last year was just me not wanting to go to school but like they literally had to PUT ME ON ANTIDEPRESSANTS like what the FUCK?! do they think I was just faking that shit?? Like they think my mental health was perfectly fine?? BRUH NO. but like I can't really say anything about it because every time I try to tell my mom what I'm feeling she thinks i'm arguing or just completely shuts me down, like she is SO close minded she wont even TRY to listen to what I have to say so why do i even BOTHER.

Anyways, they decided to put me in full online school for the first trimester this year and I absolutely HATE IT. Like last year during my third trimester when quarantine hit and we were all forced to do online, I actually did better but that was because I was doing really bad mentally and I could barely get out of bed anyways, but now that I'm doing a lot better it's a lot harder for me to sit at a computer all day and TEACH MYSELF THIS SHIT OFF OF A VIDEO. I seriously hate this and my motivation has been TERRIBLE this year because of online. I've been asking my parents to let me go back to school next trimester but they say I have to "prove to them" that I'll be able to go by getting up in the morning. like BRUHHH WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? WAKE UP AT 6 FUCKING 30 JUST TO SIT ON THE COUCH FOR 4 HOURS WATCHING VIDEOS AND WRITING NOTES?? HELL NO. idk what they want from me. I'm not waking up earlier than 8:00 to do online school, that's bullshit.

ANYWAYS, basically this morning my mom said she's not letting me go back to school next tri and i'm SERIOUSLY SO FUCKING FRUSTRATED because i'm doing SO bad in online school like im behind by 1.5 credits (3 whole classes- 6 half classes) and there's only 4 weeks left of the term so there's NO WAY I'm getting my full credits in this tri and if i keep online school for the rest of the school year, there's NO WAY i'm going to graduate. I'm already behind by a few credits from failing so many classes last year and i have to do summer school so like FUCK MOM PLEASE TRY TO UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS THE ONLY WAY I'LL BE ABLE TO PASS HIGH SCHOOL PLUS I DON'T WANT TO FALL BACK INTO A DEPRESSION FROM LACK OF SOCIAL INTERACTION. FUCK. it's so frustrating. This wouldn't be so bad if I knew how to motivate myself but i've always struggled with motivation so IDK WHAT TO DO. I JUST WISH MY MOM WOULD FUCKING LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY ONCE IN A GOD DAMN WHILE LIKE FUCK. okay I think I've ranted enough, ill just tell you about my day and about my life for now.

Basically all I did to day is play among us with my friend from Idaho LOL anddd yeah. Also I've been talking to this kid for about a month and a half (let's call him RJ) and like he's the first person I've had GENUINE feelings for in almost two years but they're already going away and i'm SO FRUSTRATED because it's been so long since i've been able to feel things and I was just hoping this would be good enough to be in a relationship but now I just don't know. we also had sex like a week after we met LOL omg that's terrible. If sex wasn't ruined for me maybe I wouldn't have done it with a stranger lol. I also feel like he's losing feelings too and its probably because we haven't been able to hang in almost 2 weeks soooo yeah. It's also because he lives 30 minutes away and he only ever comes to town on weekends GRRRRR oh well. I guess we'll see what happens.

ALSO OH MY GOD FUCK. Yesterday my friends had a little halloween party/concert for their band (which is really good btw) and OMFG THE GUITARIST IN THE BAND FUCKKKKKK I stg I'd let him ruin my life. LMAO ITS SO WEIRD THO cuz he was like my boyfriend in 8th grade and now he's like this edgy ass mf who paints his nails and has a nic addiction and grown out curly hair but FUCK JFHOUJSFHUSBFLU literal heart eyes OH GOD. I would let him do ALL KINDS OF THINGS TO ME but UGHHHH i think he's talking to this other girl FUCK idk man. what's my problem with MEN FOISHFOUSH. i have issues.

ANYWAYS i hope this was somewhat interesting LMAO i dont think so but anyways THANKS FOR READING I'M SURE I'LL BE UPDATING VERY SOON CUZ MY LIFE GO CRAZY SOMETIMES> OKAY BYE MWAH.