Insanely Insatiable

036

RINA'S

***

Bannie's gaze moved from me to Sevi and then back to me. I felt how she scrutinized me with her pointed look. I bet she's very much caught off guard when I suddenly showed up to her house slash clinic, with a man.

My psychiatrist sighed afterwards before she sat on her swivel chair behind her oakwood table. Tumango-tango pa siya na parang pinipilit niyang unawain ang sitwasyon. And I gave her a half smile to ease the tension around us.

Sevi, sitting right beside me, has this serious and stiff look on his face. Tuwid na tuwid ang pagkakaupo niya at dama ko ang kaba niya.

"You were gone for almost a week now, Rina. Your mother is bugging me where the hell you are," Bannie said as ahe heaved a deep sigh again before she looked at me, expectantly, as if she's expecting me to say a good explanation for my sudden disappearance. "'Tapos bigla ka na lang susulpot dito. I just knew it the moment you disappeared that you won't show yourself no matter how hard we look for you because you don't even want to be found in the first place."

I grinned with what Bannie just said. She knew me well. She's really a good shrink- my very supportive shrink.

"As if namang hinahanap talaga ako ng nanay ko, Bannie. You know her. Probably, she's happy because I'm no longer her responsibility." I am smiling, yet I can't hide the bitterness in my voice.

Nailing naman si Bannie dahil sa sinabi ko. She knows how much the talk about my mother can make my mood off-set. When that happens, granted, there'll be no talk that will happen.

"I don't want to push the topic about your mother, Rina. Mas gusto kong pag-usapan natin kung bakit ka biglang nawala." Bannie turned her gaze to Sevi. "And who is he?"

I felt Sevi exhaled a deep breath beside me and I could really feel the tension from his stiffed shoulders. I reached over his thigh and my hand settled on top of his knee, caressing it to ensure that Bannie isn't that strict. I think she's just being protective of me. After all, she knows everything that I went through.

Napataas ang kilay ni Bannie sa ginawa ko but I didn't mind the look she gave me. Instead I answered her question about the guy sitting beside me.

"This is Isaac Sevi." I gave Bannie the most determined look from my eyes. Napagod na ako sa buhay na mayro'n ako. Actually, wala na akong pag-asa na natitira na magiging maayos pa ang lahat.

But Isaac Sevi came and I found my tired body having the energy to wake up everyday. I found my rogue way of living back to its track. Parang may direksyon na muli akong tinatahak. Parang nando'n ulit iyong pag-asa. Nagkaroon ulit ako ng pagkagusto na subukang labanan ang sakit ko.

"He's the man who saved me from completely shutting off my light." Then I smiled to Bannie, a very rare moment whenever I am here in this white room.

Sa tuwing nandito ako sa clinic ni Bannie, madalas akong umiiyak, nagagalit sa mundo o 'di kaya'y isinusumpa ang lahat ng dinadanas ko sa buhay. But not today. Not now that Sevi is with me.