Insanely Insatiable

043

RINA'S

***

I was scared and nervous at the same time. But Sevi held my hand tight and squeezed it from time to time throughout the travel we took to the ballet studio.

"Everything is gonna be alright, Ri. You just need to enjoy it and remember how much you wanted to be a ballerina. Remember that version of yourself," Sevi said when the cab stopped in front of the building.

I looked at him and he immediately gave me a warm smile. Nagising na lang ako kanina at sinalubong ako ni Sevi ng balita na na-enrol niya na ako sa isang ballet class. He told me that today, we will visit the studio and meet my instructor. Kapag nagustuhan ko raw ang environment at ang magtuturo, then go na go na talaga ang ballet lessons ko.

Lumabas kami ng cab at kaagad niyang hinawakan muli ang kamay ko. He guided me inside the building but my feet felt so wobbly and weak to even move. I stood frozen and immobile in front of the building— a two-storey white and black building. My heart is beating erratically as my mind gave me a lot of awful scenarios.

Paano kung malaman nilang nympho ako? Mandidiri sila sa akin at malamang huhusgahan nila ako. If they know how dirty my soul is, for sure, hindi nila ako matatanggap.

"Ri, you know that I'll be there every step of the way, right?"

Napatingin ako kay Sevi at natigilan ako nang nasa harapan ko na siya. He cupped my face with his hand before nodding at me. Kinuha naman ng isa niyang kamay ang kamay ko at inangat niya ito sa ulunan ko. My hand touched the cold metal of the ballerina design of the hair clip I am wearing which was given by Sevi.

"Believe in yourself, Ri. You can be whoever you want  to be. There's nothing, even your disorder, have the power to hold you from doing what you want to do in life. Disorder lang 'yan at hindi 'yan ang may kontrol sa buhay mo kun'di ikaw." He kissed my forehead before he let go of my face only to hold both of my hands. "This is your life. Always do what makes you happy, Ri."

Ri? Ilang beses niya na akong tinawag nang gano'n.

"I like Ri," I mumbled which made Sevi stopped for a moment.

He looked at me dazed for a second before he laughed.

"Don't tell me, sa haba ng sinabi ko, 'yong Ri lang ang pinansin mo?"

"I can't help it. You calling me Ri feels so comforting." I giggled and he laughed even more.

"I'll call you Ri starting now, then. Ang iksi na nga ng pangalan mo, mas pinaiksi pa natin."

Natawa ako sa sinabi niya. Bigla kong nakalimutan ang kaba at takot sa loob ko. As long as Sevi is beside me, I will be okay. Right?

"Hindi ko alam kung makakaya kong gawin ito kung wala ka, Sevi. Though, nakakakonsensya pa rin na gumagastos ka nang malaki para sa 'kin."