Tell Me You Love Me

Chapter 38

Chapter 38 - For the last time

Nakaupo lang ako sa gilid habang tinitignan si Erika na kasama si Adrian. Kasama yung taong mahal ko. Na sana ako yon. I'm so funny

Napagod na din siguro akong umiyak dahil kahit gusto ko ay walang pumapatak na luha. Na napagod nalang ako sa kaka iyak.

"Hey Erika, that's Iana" pakilala saakin ni Adrian. It was like the old times. Yung mga panahon na hindi pa kami magkakakilala.

"Oh! Hi Iana, my name is Erika and I'm Adrians fiancé. I'm so excited to be his wife" ngumiti ako sakanya at Tumango.

"Congratulations to the both of you!" Masigla kong Sabi kahit na sa kaloob-looban ko ayaw na ganito ang nakikita ko. Karma ba to?

I wish he didn't tell me he love me. Kase naniwala ako.

That one wrong thing I did. Sinabi ko lang naman sakanya na sabihin nyang mahal nya ako. Wala naman dun sa instructions ko na kaylangan totoo.

Dapat pala "tell me you love me, for real" Kulang yung sentence, na pressure ako.

"Thank you! I hope someday you find your own Adrian, but not my Adrian" she laughed while warning me.

Siguro ganon nga.

Una palang si Adrian kay Erika na. Nakipapel lang ako sa buhay nila.

I was just a page in their story.

I laughed at my own thought. Ang drama.

"Don't worry, I wouldn't take someone who isn't even mine in the first place" I don't know what I'm saying. I just wanna escape this place. Gusto ko na umalis.

"Please excuse me" agad akong tumayo at umalis doon. Nasa labas Sila Kuya kaya hindi nila nakita ang pag alis ko. Umakyat ako sa rooftop ng hospital kung saan walang tao.

Umupo ako sa bench doon at tinitigan ang daliri ko sa kamay. Unti-unti kong naramdaman ang pagpatak ng luha sa mata ko.

Sila na

Sila naman talaga dapat

Nagulat ako nung marinig ko ang pagbukas ng pinto. Akala ko nahuli na ako, si Adrian lang pala.

"Anong ginagawa mo dito? Bakit iniwan mong mag isa yung fiancé mo?" I tried to keep it as casual at possible. I don't want him thinking na nagpapaawa ako.

I don't want him to come back just because he feels guilty or he feels like he needed to. Mas kaylangan sya ni Erika.

"Mas kaylangan mo ako" he sat beside me at pareho kaming tumunganga sa kawalan. Hindi ba parang ang unfair? Ang bata ko pa para maranasan lahat to. Ang bata ko pa para masaktan ng ganito

"Are you okay?" Tumingin ako sakanya na parang hindi makapaniwala.

"Do I look okay to you?" Sarkastiko akong tumawa at bumuntong hininga.

"Do you know how much I loved you? Yes loved. Because I'm trying to unlove you now. Ayokong makulong sa isang pagibig na hindi naman ako kayang ipaglaban. Ayokong makulong sayo na hindi naman ako kayang panindigan" tuloy tuloy kolang na sabi habang nakatingin ng deretso sa mga mata nya

"Who said that I can't fight for you? For us?" Tumawa ulit ako.

"Don't joke around, Adrian. We both know that this relationship won't last long. Specially now you're engage. Congrats" I don't know if I'm being sarcastic or if I'm actually genuine.

I want him to be happy, even if his happiness doesn't include me anymore.

He deserves to be happy. Mabait sya at masunurin din. Kaya nga kahit ang paikutin ako ay sinunod nya.

"We can Iana! We can! I love you" Hindi ko alam kung tatawa ba ako eh. Is that supposed to be a freaking joke?

"I feel like you never really loved me... that you only used me... that you just need to fulfill your promise to your mom" I don't know how I managed to say that. Bigla nalang lumabas sa bibig ko. Is that even possible?

"What are you talking about Iana? Yes, sinunod ko yung mom ko but everything I did was true! I didn't fake it! I can't believe that you didn't really feel my love"

So nababaligtad na ngayon?

Hindi ako makapag salita.

Nanghihina ako na hindi ko maipaliwanag

"I believe you. Sinabi ko naman sayo yan nung bago ka umalis diba. Pero pinapaniwala ko yung sarili ko na hindi. Na palabas lang yung lahat para makalimutan kita kaagad! Ayokong pag nagkita tayo ulit mahal pa kita kase alam ko sa pagkakataon na yon, kasal kana! At hindi saakin" I was just crying the whole time

Parang inalisan ako ng karapatan na maging masaya

"I'm sorry" that's all he can say.

Pagod na akong makarinig ng sorry.

Today, I just want to tell him everything. Before I go. Before I escape

"Thank you for loving me even if it was just for a short period of time. I'm really grateful for everything you did for me. I just wish you to be happy. Wag mong papaiyakin si Erika gaya ng pagpapaiyak ko sakin. Hindi nakakagwapo yon" pareho kaming tumawa sa huli kong sinabi

I knew that this day will come. Sana kung alam ko lang na ganito pala kaaga edi sana pinaghandaan ko kaagad. Sana nag handa ako ng cake tapos nakasulat "happy break up"

Hindi ko din alam sa sarili ko bakit ganito yung mga naiisip ko. Nababaliw na nga talaga ako.

Hindi ko alam paano ko sya titignan knowing that he's not mine anymore.

Pero pag iniisip ko, diba parang ang tanga. I cannot promise to be happy with someone else but I can assure you that I know how to be happy with myself.

My mom said that I should learn how to love myself because at the end of the day, I only have myself. Sarili ko lang ang tutulong sakin.

"You don't need to thank me. I did that because that's what you deserve. That's what I wanna do because I love you Iana. I can't imagine waking up without you but I know that I don't have a choice. Ako lang yung naaalala nya and our stupid engagement. I hate myself kase wala akong magawa"

Ngayon pareho na kaming Umiiyak.

Sa rooftop pa talaga na dati sa wattpad ko lang nababasa

May true to life pala talaga tapos sakin pa pinaranas ni tadhana. Sana naman yung mala Prince Charming ang story pero bakit naman ganito?

Minsan nalang ako mag mahal at mahalin pabalik palpak pa.

Bumuntong hininga ako at kinuha ang kamay nya. Inangat ko ang mukha nya at tinitigan sya.

If this is my last chance edi lulubusin ko na

"even if it's not real, can you tell me you love me? For the last time" marahan akong pumikit at hinintay ang kasagutan nya.

Naghuhurumentado ang puso ko habang hinihintay ang sagot nya. I'll take everything he can offer. Kahit na ito na ang huli, I'll take it.

"I love you so much Iana"

For the last time, niyakap ko sya ng mahigpit at humagulgol sa balikat nya

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Ehe :))