Cutthroat

Chapter 33

Mahal

Pagkagising ko, ilang oras pa akong nakahiga sa kama. For days or weeks, I cannot sleep comfortably in that old wretched bed in that boarding house. Ngunit, ngayon, napakakumportable naman ng higaan... ng silid... ngunit hindi ako makatulog ng maayos. Bigla ko na lang minumulat ang mata ko buong gabi. There, I realized how I was not able to sleep at all. I was just closing my eyes and forcing myself to sleep.

Ngayon, hindi naman ako makaalis-alis sa higaan. I don't want to get out of the room, either. I heard his car early morning which means he's downstairs. I could also here cluttering sounds, probably his in the kitchen, right now. 

Last night, I was so ready. Ngunit, nawala lahat ng tapang at lakas ng loob ko sa isang gabi. Ngayon, ayaw ko nang lumabas. Ngayon, hindi na ako handang harapin siya. Waves of realization hit me relentlessly as I can't refrain myself to think about it.

I heard a knock then the door clicked open. Agad akong napabalikwas at dali-daling sinuklay ang maitim at mahaba buhok ng aking daliri. Napatingin ako sa vanity mirror upang tiyaking kahit papaano ay presentable ako.

Bumungad ang mukha niya sa akin. He looks fresh and neat in his ash gray v-neck shirt and maong pants. He looked at me with his analytical eyes.

Probably, I look sabog!

Mas maaliwalas ang mukha niya ngayon. Don't get me wrong. He still has this grim expression on his face, just a little less grim than yesterday. He cleared his throat before he spoke. "It's almost eleven and you did not come down to eat breakfast."

"Mig--"

"We'll talk over brunch," he said and left.

Napahilot ako ng sentido. He so cold! Sa sobrang lamig ng trato niya sa akin, aakalain mong may ligaw na kaluluwang umaalagid-aligid!

Oh my god!

Nagluto siya. 

Napabaluktot ulit ako sa kama habang binabalot ang sarili ko ng comforter. Nakakahiya ka, Serafina!

Dapat ikaw nagluto, kahit iyon na lang ang pampalubag-loob mo sa kanya! On the second thought, I only know how to fry eggs and spam or toast bread. Surely, brewing coffee won't count. Hahayaan ko na lang palang siya ang magluto.

Dahan-dahan akong bumangon at umupo. Inihilig ko ang aking likod sa headboard. Nakailang buntong-hininga ako bago tuluyang bumaba sa kama. 

Bago ako lumabas ng silid ay inayos ko muna ang aking sarili. Matapos kong maghilamos ay sinuklay ko ang aking buhok. I was wearing a spare pyjama that was in the closet. Maluwang ito sa akin pero alam kong hindi naman ito pag-aari ni Miguel kasi pambabae! He must have bought a wrong size for me or... may mga babae siyang pinapatuloy dito. Who knows? He might be calling women to warm his bed!

Iniisip ko pa lang, nasusuka na ako! Ugh!

Paglabas ko sa kwarto ay naamoy ko kaagad ang pancake mula sa kusina. Naamoy ko rin ang toast bread and probably... roasted chicken?

Agad akong bumaba sa hagdan. Nakita ko siyang abala sa kusina. I saw the breakfast are well-plated already. Ano pa ba ang pinagkakaabalahan niya? 

"Ako na," sabi ko nang makita kong gagawa na sana siya ng kape.

He pressed his lips in a grim line and immediately step aside to give way for me. I did not hear any violent reactions from him or another dose of mockery to destroy my day. He was just silent. In fact, unusually silent.

Sinimulan ko na ang paglagay ng cofee beans sa coffee maker. Ang bawat galaw ko ay dahan-dahan at maingat. In every move, I could barely breathe. Tila takot na makaapekto sa paggalaw ko ang aking biglaang paghinga. His eyes were piercing and I just feel uncomfortable.