My Cobra Kai Bad Boy

Too Much to discuss.

Friday evening

We arrive at the beach, he helps me off the bike and takes my helmet. He leads me down to the cove in the dark without saying a word. It all just feels like a surreal dream.

We make it to our little cove and sit down next to each other.

"Its weird you would want to come here, especially after the last conversation we had in this exact spot" I say quietly

"Yeah? Well maybe that's why I wanted to be here, to have a do over maybe put things right." He says while staring at me intently maybe looking for some answers in my face.

"I just dont know where to begin with all that, I've played that day, that conversation, over and over again in my head for the last 15 years and it still doesn't make sense to me" I sigh sadly.

"Yeah me too, look i was such an ass back then and there was so much you didn't know, so much I hid from you as I felt like such a failure I really let you down" 

I turn to face him as I needed this, I need these answers as I've been driven to the brink of insanity with these thoughts all these years.

"So there was someone else, I always thought there was because how on earth could you say you love me then just walk away forever."

"Fuck sake, you always jump to conclusions, no there wasnt someone else, not then, not even now. It wasnt like that. I was drinking too much and was heavily into cocaine, I used it as an escape to deal with losing our son and feeling like i was losing you. I was never good with discussing my feelings and dealing with emotions" he paused and was rubbing his face with his palm.

"I never knew you were doing drugs, sure I knew you smoked a bit of weed, but nothing you couldn't handle. It make sense though as you were like a different person in those last few months."

"See that's the point you were oblivious to what was going on, especially if it didnt fit in with your perfect vision"

"Oh fuck off Dutch, that's not true at all"

"No Babe, stop I dont want to argue that's not what I wanted tonight, just please listen to me for one second, just let me finish ok. When you left I was a mess, I could see that you were achieving your goals and everything you set out to do and I was just the deadbeat boyfriend left at home. I turned to drugs and drink to cope with all my problems but it actually just made everything worse." He grabbed my hand and we entwined our fingers together.

"You know, I was going to propose to you after your graduation, I even went ring shopping with Johnny I had it all planned. Then I made the mistake of telling my parents what I was going to do, and the other guys and well let's just say they made me feel like a real dick." He stopped and turned his face away from me.

"Dutch was you really? What did people say to change your mind then? For what it's worth I would have said yes." I cant believe what I'm hearing.

"Yeah i know you would have and that's the problem and the issue everyone had. They said i was selfish and that I was holding you back. If i broke up with you, you would be happier you could finally move on. I was just an alcoholic, druggie, who would just ruin your life"

I just didnt know what to say, how could I be so blind to it all.

"You dont think it didnt break my heart to hear you crying and shouting after me as I walked away from you that day. But I thought I was doing the right thing. My dad said I needed to let you go and i would only drag you down. When you didn't return after you graduated and I heard you had gone to Denver, well I knew I'd done the right thing you had a proper life and job but it didnt mean that it hurt any less."