BAD BUT GOOD - BokuAka

36.

POV Akaashi

I flipped the page of my small handbook and continued reading. The silence in my room made me calm and I pushed the glasses back up my nose bridge. The door opened and I looked to my right. Bokuto walked in with slow steps. I told him to take a shower, because I knew that it was one of the things that made him feel better. It took him longer than usual. 3 days has passed and he was still grieving. I opened the blanket for him to get inside. Bokuto placed his body between my legs and hugged my torso. His head was resting on my stomach. The smell of shampoo filled the room. His grey hair was covering his face. I didn't say anything. After flipping the page once again I laid my right hand on his back and stroke it up and down slowly. I looked at him with my eyes. It was heartbreaking, to see him not laugh for a really long time. He smiled often, but his energy was missing. After I finished reading the last sentence I placed the book next to me and ran my hands through his soft hair.
"You know what Bokuto-San?" I asked. He looked up to me and hummed. I smiled. "Your hair feels so much nicer without the gel. Also it suits you really well."
Bokuto's lips formed into a small pout. "But I think they look cooler gelled up."
I shrugged slightly and brushed his hair off his forehead.
"You're cool both ways Bokuto-San." Bokuto placed his head back on my stomach and exhaled loudly. After a long silence only listening to the cars outside he spoke up.
"What do you think Iwaizumi is doing?" He asked.
I leaned my head back and looked out of the big window. The lights and colors of the city blurred, as my sight unfocused. It was like I was looking at an abstract painting.
"I don't know." I replied and embraced my arms around his body.
"He is probably really sad." Bokuto said.  I looked down to him. "Probably." I said whispering.

POV Bokuto

I looked at the ceiling, eyes wide open. Whenever I tried to close my eyes I saw him. His pale skin and the blood. I pressed my eyes together and tried to shake the picture off my mind. How could I let him die? He tried to save me. He died while saving me. I turned to Akaashi, his back was facing me. "Akaashi?" I whispered. He didn't answer, he was sleeping. I have been waking him up for the past few days. As my hand reached out to him I stopped myself.
"Get your shit together Bokuto!" I whispered to myself and smacked both hands against my face. Akaashi has been through way more things in the past few weeks, than I have ever been in my entire life. I couldn't just take his chance to rest whenever I felt like it.
As I felt my dry tongue, I noticed, how thirsty I was. With tiny moves I got off the bed and walked out of the room. I walked to the kitchen, grabbed a glass and filled it. As I sipped the water noises came from down stairs. I raised my eyebrows and I followed the noises. The more I neared myself, the more I could hear someone punching a punching bag. I opened the door to the gym and peaked my head. It was Iwaizumi. His punching got faster and harder. I watched him for a while and felt how my heart ached. After a strong punch he let his arms down to his sides and looked up to the ceiling. He was breathing heavily.
"Hey!" I shouted. Iwaizumi balled his fists infront of his chest and turned around to me, just like he was about to attack me. As his gaze met mine he relaxed. I forced a smile.
"Do you mind if I join?" I asked and closed the door behind my back. Iwaizumi smiled weakly and waved me over to him. My steps stopped next to him and I looked at his hands. The bandage around his knuckles were colored red. He was bleeding. Iwaizumi turned back to the punching bag but I grabbed his shoulder. He looked at me.
"Fist fight." I said and smirked. Iwaizumi rolled his shoulders back and cracked his neck by tilting his head from left to right.
"Alright owl." His eyebrows drew together and a small smile formed on his lips. But his eyes told me, that he was anything else than fine. I was used to see this face on Akaashi. He looked tired. His eyes reflected an empty room. I didn't get to know Iwaizumi that much, but I knew he was a strong person. Physically and emotionally. I balled my fists infront of my face and straightened my back up. With slow steps we started to move around a circle. "I am not going to be gentle." He said
"That's exactly what I like." I responded and grinned big. Iwa stroke his right fist out and tried to hit me. I dodged and grabbed his arm. With a quick move I twisted his arm behind his back and pressed my other hand on his neck, making him unable to move, but as I felt the sudden punch in my right side I gasped for air and let him go. With both hands I grabbed my ribs, face twisting.
"I totally forgot about your other hand." I said and tried to smile the pain of my almost broken rib away. Iwaizumi chuckled and got back to position.
"Not bad Bokuto." He said and balled his fists once again. I looked at him. Suddenly his arms relaxed and he looked back into my eyes. His gaze lowered and I walked up to him. He was trying to hide his feelings for the whole time. But I knew that he just needed to cry. He wasn't used to be weak. Iwaizumi wasn't used to cry especially infront of other people. So all he could do was hide his emotions by just being aggressive, also towards the people he loved the most. I laid my hand on his shoulder and felt the way he was shaking. Tears started dripping down on the floor. Iwaizumi leaned his head against my shoulder. After a quiet sob he mumbled something against my shoulder.
"Sorry Iwa, I quite didn't get that." I said with a soft voice. My heart was hurting so bad by the look of his pain.
"I have loved him more than anything, Bokuto." My eyes started filling with tears. I couldn't help thinking about Akaashi. And it felt wrong. Thinking about myself while this person was standing infront of me, crying and trusting me. How selfish. I closed my eyes. I wasn't able to say anything.
"And I didn't have the courage to tell him that. And now I don't even have a chance."