The Book Of Abby

my play

2020 is finally winding down. after this chaotic wreck I can say I survived with few scars of my battles.

this year brought me to Miss Rona (iconic queen), an actual divorce and things I never thought I'd have to witness.

January
six days into the year I get rejected. just a bit over a month after I admitted I liked him Alot. this hurt and took me alof of time to get over but I made the best of it. my new years resolution was not to fall in love so easily and he shot me down like that. it hurted. mom also kicked me out and she didn't let me call a family friend to pick me up a street away.

my dad was being inspected by his company's corporate and he left to come and get me. and thats the moment I knew of how strong my fathers love for his children were.

February
this was the best month of my life. I was THRIVING. the school had the Sadie Hawkins dance and i was sick (like I could even go) so I complimented all my friends on how cute they looked omg. I also spent alot of time home alone because my dad was working so much and I wasn't at school half of the time.

this was the month I found out Major could see me in alternative school and I saw him once before Miss. Rona came. one time he missed me by like 5 minutes and talked to Quin instead >:(

March
my high didn't last for too long. I headed for a breakdown and dyed my hair red. I was lashed for it by saying I was a "bad Wendy's mascot" but flex i liked it.

the morning March 20th will live rent free in my mind but that afternoon I texted a guy I didn't talk to before and a week later we got together. that guy was Brad. I fell, and I fell hard. we intended to keep the relationship a secret for as long as we could and I'll admit, I liked it better that way

also, miss rona hit shoutout to that silly queen

April
Mom found out. actually, his mom found out first but we decided to just tell my mom since they know each other. my mom took it bad after first but she warmed up quickly. I created a google doc for Brad for when I was to annoy him with love I can write on it.

May
We told Travis about our relationship (Travis being his cousin) on the same day we told my dad who did Not take it well at all. Travis was really unphased what a guy. Dad took ny brother and I across the country for a week and I found I love Nashville. the atmosphere and the people there? *French kiss*

June
Brads birthday month and I had 22 days to scribble in a poem book for it. I had several long nights listening to King of the Hill while putting the first things that came to mind on a sheet of paper. I saw him on his birthday and we hugged and i- i felt safe for the first time since March at that point and i was so warm. instead of reaching down to grab my ass he held me tighter to tell me I was shaking and I giggled. I will always remember that.

this was the month mom and dad officially got divorced on June 12th

July
I went up north in my state to a "German town" and I got a... little tipsy from three sips of some fruity drink and immediately did an obstacle course. of course I finished it successfully and did a little zip line at the end.

August
shit show.

the day after my birthday dad announced he had COVID and he quarantined while his girlfriend gave us my birthday cake (which was rad as fuck) and I ate ny birthday cake without my father. it was better than the year before, I guess.

during the last week some unfavorable mentions of me were brought up and I had to resolve that before school started the following week. major called me on my personal phone to see how I was and to de-escalate the situation but its all good now

September
four days in the month I left Brad. I will always love him and see him as my person but sometimes to grow up, you have to grow apart for a while. it hurt me to let him go but I couldn't hold on to something that wasn't going to grow up soon enough.

I was hired to be the merit officer in my unit which I am not on the official chain of command rip me. I also started to apply to jobs and I kept getting to what I thought was no avail

I also got my first car and a newer phone in the same weekend so shoutout to my dad for those guys

October
I didn't do anything drastic this month I just kinda vibed and tried to keep myself sane honestly very vibey

November
second best month.

I was at dads girlfriends house and decided to call one of the places I tried applying a job at and I went outside in the cold to talk to them and she said nonchalantly "your conditional start date is November 7th." I mean she CARED obviously but still. I really said "wait seriously" and its one of the best things I've done. hell I didn't even know how much I made until I checked the email the next day oops. I also started driving to work and thats my favorite thing now

December
work has been, wow amazing. i met some really good people and I have favorite coworkers!! they make everything better about my job and i love them so much!! my driving is getting so much better and existing doesn't seem so unbearable sometimes.

even though this is the first official Christmas since mom and dad split it was so much better. Christmas morning was spent with dad and his parents and Christmas evening was spent with just my mom (and my brother with me too) and it was so much better.

this year I was pushed to forgive myself. I think that's when you know you've recovered. when you can look at yourself and forgive the monster before you. it takes alot of strength to do that, I think. especially when you have little demons in your mind saying I shouldn't forgive myself. 2020 brought me some hell but I think I made it into a good year, especially in the second half.

so thank you, to all of you. you all shaped me into who I am today.

a badass bitch.

thank you love,
Abby