The Book Of Abby

nobody needs to know

I'm no saint. I get it. I'm not a great girlfriend either.

or person tbh.

If there was one thing I was "blessed" with is to be able to seduce guys at will. It's funny to watch them suffer but I don't do it for my pleasure. I never sent any photos either. All I used was words.

I guess I am really good at words- oh no.

I got really into it two days before Josh and I got together and acted on it. I only allowed it to get as far as two kisses. No one else needs to know. Only Niani and Josh really know (I think Niani knows)

Today, I realized I didn't need words to seduce someone, all I needed was my body. 

My close friend, we will call him Sofa. He, a friend and I were rating each other as a joke and it got serious for a second. The sofa looked at me and said;

"As a friend, I would rate you an 8- you have a rockin' body."

He is like my best friend! (I really gotta stop having guy best friends oh god.) He was the LAST person that I would've ever even fathom of hearing those words come out of his mouth.

I was sitting in math class and writing in my diary- as I do. I was writing about this and the guy and I's friendship. I then went into how much I loved Josh. It was kinda like Angela from the office us realizing she loved Dwight.

AnYwAy...

I wrote in there that I would put everything aside for him. Hell, call me stupid but I would put my family aside for him.

If he gave me the ultimatum of having kids or staying with him; it would be him every time.

If he gave me the ultimatum of having my family or him; I would choose him. 

It is Josh. Everytime. Everything I do, I do it so I can see Josh. I go out of my way during class change just to see him for seven seconds. I go make sure that I see him in the mornings when I am hecking busy I still find a way to see him. 

Everything I do at this point is to ensure I am on a pretty decent path so I can get a decent higher up education and a well-paying job so I don't sit on my ass all day.

It's all for Josh. You could say I'm obsessed and that's ok because I think I am too lmao. I don't want anything more than to be his wife.

I'm pretty hecking sure this is called love. Putting everything you have aside for that one person.

Do you guys know how it feels when you see someone and literally no matter how shitty you feel you just smile like an idiot?

That's me to Josh. I could literally want to cry and die and I can just look at Josh and know everything is ok.

It's either love or the feeling of great security but I don't know. Whatever feeling this is, I love it as much as I do Josh.

I just really want to run up to Josh and kiss him. Tell him every word I put here and spill my heart out. 

I'm in love. I never felt like this before. This is love.