The Book Of Abby

who tells your story? + will

tw: suicide mentions

writers are dangerous people. never take them for granted.

we are snipers armed with words. we know how to aim with sentences, how to fire with paragraphs and how to immortalize their kills in stories.

my scars tell a story. the scars on each thigh from January 26th tell a story. a story of anger, despair, sadness, mourning. 

the scars from December 2017 tell a story of anger. 

the scars all between, the scar above my lip from Bandit, my beloved cat that is being taken care of by granny + pawpaw. the scar on my wrist which is barely visible from the cat from across the street.

wether intentional or not, scars tell a story. and i love every scar i see on someone because it makes them unique and it is extremely attractive to me.

i had an anxiety attack at six flags and started to overthink my death- suicide. death itself doesn't scare me but perhaps the idea of how i will die and how everyone i love will go on with life.

what about torie, emma,  travis, christine, will, Major Conley, kyron, mom, dad, dru (eek), granny, pawpaw, and allie carry on?

will they be okay? who will tell my story?

i keep overthinking this shit who will be okay, who won't? who would even care? i care about all of them, the least they could tell my story.

a struggle between breathing and drowning. a struggle between getting out and going in. a struggle between life and death. a struggle between happiness and depression.

a story that's mine. a narrative i will not allow anyone else to write in. no, not anymore. i am not a co-writer in anyone else narrative.

also like i uh broke up with pj two weeks ago and travis' cousin, will, is pretty rad.

me: "gonna marry shrek"

will: "there goes my chances" (we are waiting to date to recover from the breakups bc he left his bf (hes bi) on thanksgiving night which was the last night he saw me cOINCIDENCE I THINK NOT) 

anyway, will is actually pretty fuckin sick i can talk to him for hours- actually did.

i mean im not gonna date the man tomorrow and marry him Wednesday that's wild. im a risktaker but nOt thaT mUch. i've talked to him since turkey day, i think i need a little while to know the dang thing i mean i don't even know when his birthday is (i mean, neither does travis lmao and he is his cousin.)

it's just- its genuinely different. every other guy would've tried to make a move on me when i sent a pic of me in shorts for reference last night but he didn't (he actually sent an "ok" emoji lmao) so that was wild i'm used to guys sending me nudes right after that- guys are wild. will is not. 

will is a dork and i love it. turkey day, he was talking to travis and his other cousin ab pokemon. what the fuck a pokemon is really beyond me but it was fun to listen to. also, we shared a whole seat on turkey day and he did not touch me at all.

MAD RESPECT TO HIM. but i will wait to date him, i know he'll wait on me. THOUGH, he called me hot even though im not italian. bc i said I would be a hot italian. which i laughed at bc me??? hot??? okay.

pj hurt me and i just need time. 

will he tell my story?