The Book Of Abby

im coming out

guys, this is a serious topic i am about to discuss and if this triggers you, please go somewhere else- i dont mean to hurt you. if this has actually happened to you or someone you love here is the national rape hotline;

1-800-656-4673

now to the scary year and a half i endured.

Blake.

He nearly done it to me. Both in person and over text. I remember the day he asked me out i was forced to take my shirt off for him. I didn't want to loose him so I complied to it. I was forced to makeout with him and while I told him I enjoyed it- deep down I didn't. The first time we did makeout was great. just fine. no hands down pants and shit.

until the second time. third time. fourth time. all the times after that.

He forced my hands in his pants and he forced his hands down mine to "pleasure" him. he always sent me sexual shit and talked about how he was going to make me "feel good" one day. he always said how he was going to "fuck me all around the house and have me yell out his name so the neighbors could hear"

i wish i could give him that fantasty so he can get arrested and his "military career" could end that fucking fatass.

I let him in my past and he knows everything about me now. im scared he is going to move back and try to hurt josh because he is with me now or quin because knowing him hed try to protect both josh and i.

i would rather be beaten and abused than have them get hurt.

anyway, blake always made me send pictures. i hated posing for the camera naked so he can show me what he's doing to himself. it made me sick.

my mom saw the messages and things he sent me. she made me break up with him. a week later we got back together because i didnt want to hurt blake.

LITTLE DID PAST ABBY KNEW.

basically the same thing happened all over again minus my mom hapened.

I have so much anger I need to release about this. So many tears shed from looking outside of the relationship looking into it. because of him, i find it hard to open up to josh. not the sexual way- just letting josh into my life kinda afraid the same thing will happen knowing it won't.

i can sit in a room all day naked in front of people and it wont phase me. just letting people in my life scares me the most.

blake broke me. i have to live with that, josh has to live with it, we both have to live with it and my sucky barriers i placed around myself.

i was planning on being single for a while after the breakup, then realizing i never truley loved blake. thats why two hours later of drying up tears i texted josh like;

"hey so i know this is kinda soon... but like do you wanna be my boyfriend?" -me

"of course i wanna be your boyfriend child." -josh

"k now what?" -me

"idk" -josh

it litteraly exactly went like that.

if you managed to stick along for this long congrats. i love you. i was lucky to get away from it (or have the problem be removed for now). please dont hesitate to seek help of something like this has happened to you and if you need to talk, my pm's are always open.

I love all of you,

mama abb