The Book Of Abby

frick

yall im sick as fuck

I couldnt even stay awake for most of yesterday so I slept it all away. I couldnt even really eat much so I was weak. I ate cinnamon toast crunch and if you blindfolded me i wouldn't have known. my popsocket on my phone has chapstick in it and the smell is strong but when I smelled it I couldnt smell much.

today I'm a little better. a little sore throat and still weak. but ya know, I'm not dead yet. my tastes is back. currently enjoying some coffee.

i had like 4 breakdowns wondering if I have Corona but my bigger question was what would I do about keeping my grandparents safe since I now live with them.

granny and pawpaw.

my two absolute favorite people. the people who would never judge me. the people who have loved me for so long. they are always there. but that cant be there if I'm positive.

positive as in Corona test. yeah sure, I'm happy and easy going on good days. but I want the test to be negative like on days where I give everyone death glares and mouth off about in private.

if the test comes back positive it wont fuck with Brad and I talking. I just cant go and see him which for the time being is unlikely right now. but we all know that as soon as I'm better I would run into his arms.

his arms.

the place where every broken piece of me flew away. his tight and warm embrace made me feel at peace for the first time in months. he had the perfect opportunity to inappropriately touch me but he just held me tighter. he held me tighter because he knew I was scared and shaking about being in the presence of his mom. (she kinda scary omg)

as much bad as I've heard about the test, hopefully I dont get worse sick wise again. there are used tissues scattered all on my floor right now because I was too weak to clean up after myself. I havent showered or done anything with my hair in 2 days. I havent done anything hygienic before today.

the pain in my sleep causes me to tear up and sometimes a tear or two would slip. last night my dad checked on me and it woke me up but i kept my eyes closed. i felt him wipe a tear away and he kissed my forehead.

a family friend of mine had COVID and has since been negative and i saw him the day i got sick. maybe he gave it to me? idk. a test would prove it.

I just want all the pain gone. I just want to be able to breathe without having a stuffy nose. I just want to be able to eat cinnamon toast crunch and knowing what the fuck I just ate.

I've definitely felt worse. so dont pray for me. I'll be fine.

if the test is positive then I can tell my kids I had the most popular illness in 2019-2020 tehehe. (who made my coping mechanism of literally everything be humorous?)

but on a serious note, stay safe guys. wear your masks and stay 6 feet apart. dont wear gloves because that could cross contaminate but wear the masks. make them look sexy idk lingerie masks?

I love you guys so much. stay fucking safe,

abs