The Book Of Abby

i did a really bad no-no

I'm admitting it. I don't know what came across me but I did it anyway.

I cheated on Josh with Quin. I know I said I wouldn't do it but I felt so helpless in my relationship. I felt alone because I got pushed so far away.

What we did under those stairs will never be disclosed to the internet. But, the principal found out (we were under a sign that said "cameras on 24/7") so we stupid as hell lmao.

So Monday, September 30th we were caught. It was HOCO dress up week and I looked like a fuckin idiot in the office looking like a nerd. I just nodded and accepted my punishment. Quin is unaccounted for. 

Do I regret this now? Oh absolutely after seeing what is crashing around me. 

Did I regret it while going to town? No. I didn't. Scratch it. I despised what I was doing. If I wasn't with Josh, I would've been all across the school. But I was with Josh. I felt guilty. My conscious was killing me and the words in my head scream "are you having fun yet" while showing memories of Josh as Quin did what he did to me.

Yes. I consented.

Quin's age is unnecessary. 

We both got expelled and I have to spend the rest of my Sophomore year in the alternative school and Quin has to finish Senior year there too.

yes, i got down with a senior.

The aftermath was a wreck. It's been almost a week but here's what happened so far.

-Quin and Niani broke up

-Niani pUBLISHED THE AFFAIR WITHOUT NEITHER QUIN OR I'S FOREKNOWLEDGE I'm pretty pissed about that

-Josh and I are on break

-My phone got sNAtCHEd

-Major is now my best friend. anyone else can fight me a 60 something-year-old Air Force vet teacher is my best friend.

-My parents are (appropriately) upset with me.

-mOM KNOWS ALL THE DETAILS GOD BLESS HER

   -dad does not, neither does Major.

Honestly, I think when I go back to school in August next year, I feel like everyone will avoid me and look at me like the plague (which, I understand.) Right now in my life with all the shit happening (fresh separations, this, Josh being a cACTI) I need my friends. I told Torie everything and thank God for her because she's... God, she's amazing if I could I'd marry her now. I feel like the only people in my corner to hold me up from this fight are Major and Torie.

Major said, and I quote, " I don't and will never look down on you because of a mistake and you will always be welcome in our unit." I expressed a lot of feelings to him in the emails I've sent. I felt like he wouldn't allow me back in the unit because in the Cadet Handbook it says;

DO NOT DO A NO NO

i did a no-no

"Your return will be determined by the SASI (Major) and ASI (Sergeant)"

I'm guessing they've decided already lmao. at least major.

After reading that sentence I cried so hard. I finally felt like I was a part of something. No one said anything like that to me ever since the incident happened. I know what I did was wrong but at the end of the day, I am a bad kid who made a REALLY stupid decision. I need support I am still turning out. Life (teenage years) is about experimenting. I did a no-no at a bad time but now I've learned.

don't do anything under a sign children.

But seriously I don't condone this at all. I did a bad thing. I'm still a virgin somehow lmao.

To Josh, I'm sorry for breaching your trust for me. I wish you just gave me more time. I didn't do it out of lust. I just wanted to feel loved.

To Quin, I'm sorry I allowed this to happen. I wish I never asked about those dreams. You would still be with Niani and you just wouldn't be here. Thank you for making me feel loved in those 25 minutes (lmao ?)

To Niani, I'm sorry but you literally didn't know my side (or any side) to the story before you published it. I wish you talked to me first. I wish that we didn't do this (obviously) but what you did publishing it was uncool.

To Major, you don't have to allow me back in, you don't have to do anything. I feel like even though what you said I still feel like a classified disappointment. In the creed, it says "I will not lie, cheat, or steal" I DID ALL THREE. I will never understand why you immediately forgave me. but thank you major for being there for me when close to no one else is.

To Torie, thank you. Thank you for not leaving me after hearing what I did. Thank you for still dealing with my actual stupidity. I love you.

I don't really know what to do but since Josh is giving me another chance, I plan to fly with that option and try to get ahead in my sINGLE CLASS THAT I HAVE ACTUAL WORK FOR in alt. school lmao.

wish me luck 

[insert yall saying hateful stuff here]