The Book Of Abby

art is the weapon

ever since September i found the best way to express myself is through art. pen + paper was my outlet for a while (hence, 13 diaries in 5 years) but i found myself with a dull pencil. i mean, the last full entry before i got expelled was about Devin (man, he's great i miss him.)

but my life is a mess and so is my art. i mean, i get paintings after paintings done at once and water and paint on my hoodies and pants. i bought myself a painting sketchbook the Friday before i got expelled and i went home and the first thing i painted was a "pun" painting for niani which i would ultimately never be able to give to her. 

i have multiple paintings on canvases of multiple sizes. the smallest ones are 2x2 or 3x3's and are magnetic which is pretty sick. i have three- one for mom, one for dad and one for granny and pawpaw. i have 7 paintings hanging around dad's house (one is in the fall stuff because it was a pumpkin) and mom bought (yes, i made my mother pay three dollars) for an anorexic looking cow. 

i've realized that i can put whatever i feel into art and it makes sense. i can make people see how i feel instead of reading and try to imagine it. here is my favorite quote on art;

"i found i can say things with color and shapes that i couldn't say in any other way- things i have no words for" - Georgia O'Keeffe

and that's what made me realize that i can explain something without words. yeah, i can create worlds out of nothing but what is the description without an image?

so i've poured my whole life and emotions into the paintings (are they bad? yes. are the colors pretty? yes.)

i've been told i had no hobby. josh was ultimately right. this is not a hobby.

it is my life.

i have no one to try and survive for. i have to survive for my art. how i paint is essentially beyond me because i cannot for the life of me draw, but i know my way around a paintbrush.

so my new diaries will not be words. it will be colorful bursts of emotion.

art is the weapon and i am running with it.