The Book Of Abby

Random Ass Stories From My Childhood

1st Story

When I was a kid I loved YO Gabba Gabba and I remember while watching it one day I looked at my window blinds and the sings to let it go up or down was tied together so I figured, "if my stiffed animals can swing on it so can I"

YEAH NO I COULDN'T.

that's how I nearly blinded myself...

2nd Story

It was the day before my grandmother passed. April 20, 2014 and we were doing an easter egg hunt (I was 9 shut up) and it was like 5 in the afternoon after we finished the egg hunt and o noticed there was a small egg left.

"I HAVE THE MOST EGGS I WIN!"(biological I have more eggs than my competitor, Mt brother heheh)

To make sure it was a egg hunt egg I squashed it.

And that's how I killed a baby bird.

3rd Story

I remember when my grandfather was watching my brother and I at the time I was heavily into biking (I was like 8) and I rode that thing way too fast down hills and driveways and almost killed myself once but that's not the story here...

I scratched my mom's car with the handle bar and she didn't find out about it until last year (she got rid of the car when I was like 10)

4th Story

I had to get three surgeries before I was 5 which was two ear surgeries and one eye surgery which did NOTHING

But anyway my mom said I cried blood after my eye surgery which makes sense because I just had a bloddy eye surgery (badum tss) and my dad wanted my mom to make me stop crying well im sorry dad try having a fucking eye surgery u egg.

5th Story

One christmas my aunt and I was listening to "whip my hair" by willow smith (before my emo times) and we obviously whipped out heads because whiplash doesn't exist apparently and I woke up with what felt like a hangover.

See? My family extra stupid.

6th Story

Last year in like February I remember nearly giving my ex (blake is an egg) lead poisoning.

7th Story

Like last week I nearly killed my best friend by throwing a water bottle at his eye. Sorry Austin u egg.

8th Story

I told my now ex crush I like him in 6th grade and he hated me through like 7th grade and told me to kill myself n shit like that.

9th Story

My closest to death encounter was probably my whole life.

Jk.

It was when me and my brother were at my grandparents house and my dad decided "before the snow gets worse let's pick them up"

My father is a smart idiot.

By the time he got to the house it was like nearly a blizzard idk but there was loads of ice and snow.

Anyway, he and my mom were driving really slow when we finally got out of the driveway and there is a sharp curve like (not stating the city) Rainey Road and yeah we almost crashed in a tree though my dad was driving slower than my great grandpa could walk (dudes in a wheelchair too)

Yep.

10th Story

My great grandfather joined the U.S. Air Force when he was like 14 for the war after WWII I don't remember but like he spent a week there and he came back home and his mom was like "BOBBY YOU SILLY CHILD Y R U HERE"

There's my silly story's bye