The Book Of Abby

I lived

a friend asked me who was the most important person in my life and without hesitation i replied;

me.

now, that sounds selfish but theres a reason.

at the end of the day all i have is me. when im alone all i have is me. im the only person in my mind therefore in charge of my life. i had the capacity to end it all but i didnt.

i'll give credit where credit is due, to all of my closest friends i talk to nearly every day. to those few people they gave me the strength to pull myself out of the worst year of my life.

but at the end of the day i had myself to blame. even brad couldn't save me. i had to. of course, he loved me even when i couldn't feel anything at all. he heard what his cousins who knew me said about me but when he talked to me he was confused wondering why they said i was a terrible person.

yes i done a shitty thing one time but that doesnt change me (at least entirely.)

i wont lie, i wouldn't be here without my friends and brad's support. support. through the relapses and the breakdowns they let me vent to them and i built myself back up.

august 21st i turn 16. this time last year my parents were newly split and i had to sit through the worst dinners of my life on my birthday and i had to watch my father drive away from me.

which when i think of it, it makes me tear up.

i did not think i would make it here. between december 2017 when i tried to do it to now. i did not think i would be here right now. if i did commit i would've been forever 13.

nearly 3 years later i've been through hell and back. i dont like thinking of it. i dont like being reminded of it. but here i am.

i swear i lived.

i fell in love in the process to a guy i've sat across the room from for 4 years.

i swear i lived.

i am me. i am strong. i am beautiful. i am happy.

thank you for witnessing my story

-abby