The Book Of Abby

bullies

in honor of this chapter being number 123, I decided to tell the internet about people who bullied me.

we have a few lovely... characters here. i will just use their real names because they are shitty.

-ty'tainna

-carnisha

-seth

-carter

and i think that's all.

i grew up in a small town in Georgia, USA. City; undefined for the internet. not gonna lie at this school most things were ghetto whOops. we have a broken water fountain once and the fuckers just dUCT TAPED IT BACK TOGETHER LIKE OKAY SIS I SEE YOU.

i did not drink out of it after that.

anyway, let me describe what I lOOkeD like.

according to former best friend, austin, i looked like harry potter.

make harry have a gap in his teeth and just a weird personality and female then bOoM you have me.

fetus abby.

I was picked like I was the main course at dinner. being picked till they were at the bone and left me alone (7th grade. also the year i moved.)

i was told i was never going to be anything good in life. i was told that i was ugly and i was never going to get a boyfriend. i was told that since i was annoying i would die alone. i was told that everyone wanted me dead.

i was so young. i couldn't comprehend why everyone wanted me dead.

i was like 9, my grandmother died and i was just learning about death. i looked to my mom and asked her what death was and she sat down and told me.

that night i overthought the process of death so much into an existential crisis.

everything else the bullies said, i didn't care. but them saying they wanted me dead?

i did nothing to them! i was innocent to them. 

a few years later in middle school, i was told to die again. by my first *real* crush. 

that.

broke.

me.

7th grade i started to think about self-harming. just earlier that year, i learned what suicide was (i was a sheltered kid) and contemplated hurting myself.

luckily, i didn't.

what did i do to these people that was so bad that they wanted me dead? gone? away for a while?

8th grade was another story for another bit.