The Secretary. {Levi x Reader} (Completed)

Special Chapter (10/10)

(Levi)

I looked at Miles who was sitting on the chair next to me going back and forth. His eyes were pointed at the desk and he wouldn't look at me. It's been one week since since I found out what has been going on with him and I will say... It really has not been easy. For him or me. Seeing him like this and knowing I'm the reason he's hurting so much... There's no greater disappointment. In myself. Never him.

I took his hand in mine but he didn't stop moving.

That's okay.

"It's okay. I'm here."

"I'm cold. " was the only thing he said.

"Do you want a blanket?" he nodded and I stood up going to the window where the pillows and blankets were.

Sometimes he is cold, sometimes it's too warm but it's okay. I don't care that it's two in the morning, I'll stay up with him all night if I have to. It was really hard convincing his mother to not get involved, it's only natural that she'd want to help him. But he said time and time again that she has done nothing wrong and everyone can see that he doesn't hold anything against her. Me however... He needs me to be here and I will be.

I wrapped the blanket around him and sat on the chair next to him, one arm was around his shoulders and the other went back to holding his hand. He was breathing heavily and a tear left his eye.

"It hurts... "

"What hurts? "

"Everything and nothing. " his eyes not once left the desk."It feels like my body is hurting, like my head is hurting and like my mentality is hurting. But at the same time I can't feel the pain and it's just there... " he whispered.

I don't know what to do to make the pain go away...

"Let's take a few deep breaths, okay?"

"Okay. "

"In, " we both did that. "Out. In, out. In, out. " we did that for many minutes but eventually we did stop. "Better now? "

"It was while we did it... Now everything hurts again." he squeezed my hand to the point where it was painful.

"Alright, " I looked at the cup in front of him. "Your tea is over. Do you want me to make you another one? " he nodded once and I stood up taking the cup with me.

I exited the office and went to the kitchen. I warmed up the water and grabbed the chamomile, maybe that will help him relax a bit. With my eyes in the cup I noticed some weird movement and looked up seeing Miles running to the door. My eyes widen and immediately blocked his way taking him into my arms.

"Let me go please... " he whispered and cried. He punched me and pushed me but I didn't let him go. "Please it hurts... I can't do it. I can't-"

"Yes you can. You can Miles I promise."

"No...I can't. It, it hurts so much... " he whispered and started slapping me wanting me to let him go.

"It's okay. It's going to be okay. I'm here." I kissed his head, I don't know how much he is hurting but I know I feel like I'm drowning seeing my boy like this. And knowing its my fault. "I told you you can hurt me. Go ahead, I'm not that fragile." he bit my shoulder and cried more.

I let him. He does that sometimes, usually he bites his nails or thump, if it calms him down I'll let him. He bit me harder to the point where it was painful but I don't let him know. He screamed into my shoulder and cried more. He was shaking, I didn't let him go. I could feel his tears falling on my neck and shirt but I don't care. All I care about is him getting better.