The Secretary. {Levi x Reader} (Completed)

Special Chapter (8/10)

(Farlan)

I was sitting between mom and dad and they were both kissing my cheeks very fast. I laughed and told them to stop but they wouldn't. It tickled.

"There, are you better now brat?" papa asked when they stopped.

"Yah, thanks papa. " I smiled.

"Papa? What about me? " mom puffed her cheeks.

"I love you mama." I smiled and sat on her lap. She hugged me and dad hugged her and me too.

I was sad, some kids said it was weird for me to have long hair because only girls have them long. Mama and Papa always kiss me very fast when I'm sad. It makes me feel better. I love them.

"I love you too baby." she kissed my head.

"Don't listen to what anyone says, okay?" I looked at papa. "You do what makes you happy as long as you're not hurting anyone. If you want to have long hair, let it be long."

"Okay. I love you too papa." I gave him a big kiss.

"Love you too brat. "

-

I sighed as I felt hands running through my long, blonde hair. I dyed it again last month. I was sitting between my boyfriends legs, boyfriend of almost one year and in that moment, I was happy. I looked up seeing his brown eyes staring back at me with a smile and I leaned up placing a kiss on his lips.

I'm gay and I'm scared. He knows this. I'm not so much scared about what people around me will say because I don't want anyone to know. Much like dad I'm not too happy with public affection unless we are completely alone like now. Even if I had a girlfriend I wouldn't want anyone to know because I simply don't want my relationship to be a topic of conversation. I want to keep it to myself and the beautiful man above me respects that and doesn't ask anything from me.

My close friends do know but I told them to not tell anyone because I want to keep it as private as possible. However... I can't hide it from my parents forever and they don't know. And I'm scared to tell them. Mainly because of what dad is going to say but I'm also scared of moms reaction. From my family the only one that knows is Isabel. But just thinking about telling my parents makes my stomach turn and I feel like I want to throw up. I don't want them to reject me. I don't want them to hate me. I don't want them to be disappointed in me. I want them to be proud but I feel like they won't be once I tell them I'm into guys and not girls.

I don't act girly like some other guys but I'm so fucking gay it's ridiculous. Though I am more open with my emotions. So if they tell me "just try it with a girl." I might throw up. And I don't want that to happen. I tried to be normal. Lord knows I tried... Since I discovered I didn't like girls that way and that it was wrong I tried everything. I tried dating women. I tried watching straight porn but my attention was only on the guy so of course I got excited. So I tried watching just girls. I wanted to throw up, it was disgusting any way I looked at it. I tried meditation and prayer, just for myself, trying my best to be as normal as I possibly could.

But I couldn't... No matter how much I wanted to be normal I just couldn't do it. Imagining myself with a girl was like imagining living the rest of my life in a puddle of mud. Disgusting, uncomfortable and wrong. So I cried. I cried and cried and cried until I had no more tears left to shed because I hated my life for being born different. I never wanted kids, I like them but I don't want one. So I was trying to accept that I would live my life alone, possibly a virgin forever since I'd rather have my dick cut off than sleep with a woman.

And that's when he came casually walking into my room like he did almost everyday. My best friend and he saw me crying. And he asked me why, so I told him. He didn't yell at me, he didn't slap me. He just hugged me and told me to stop being a crybaby and live my life how I wanted to live it.