Cliche (Candy Stories #5)

Chapter 15 part 2

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I was shaky the whole time I was walking ahead of Maxwell and I was hearing his footsteps from behind me. Bawat hakbang, nanghihina ako. When I finally stopped and he stopped too, it was hard to breathe. It's ironic. Mahirap ang lahat ng madali pagdating kay Maxwell—maglakad, huminga . . . ngumiti.

Bahagya akong tumingala sa langit na pinakukulimlim ng malalaking ulap. Sumulyap ako sa man-made pond na nasa tagiliran namin. I brought Maxwell here because there's almost always no people here. Less ang chance na may makakita sa amin o may makarinig sa akin. Iwas-issue.

Kinagat ko ang nanginginig kong labi at pinilit ang sarili kong humarap. Lumunok ako nang ilang ulit bago magtaas ng mga mata sa kanya. He's smiling gently at me that tears threatened to fill my eyes and wash away everything that I wanted to say. Kaso . . . pagod na akong umiyak. Kailangan ko nang tumigil.

"Aurora?" Maingat ang pagsasalita niya. Malumanay ang tono. "Are you . . . okay?"

I was okay before. No'ng hindi niya pa ako binibigyan ng atensyon. Kinagat ko uli ang labi ko. "I'm not okay. I will never be okay."

Because I'm like this and because I might remain looking like this . . . I will never be okay. At hangga't ganito siya ngayon kung paano ko nakikita—dazzling, blinding . . . perfect—hindi magiging okay na nakikita akong malapit sa kanya. He chases away the darkness that coddles my imperfections. In our case, it's for the worse. He makes me seen and being seen means being hated.

But how do I say what I want to say without hurting?

"I . . . I want to ask you . . . to stay away from me." The words were strange coming from my lips but I had said it.

Kumunot ang noo niya. Kumibot ang labi sa pagsubok na magsalita pero inunahan ko.

"You're too good to me as a friend and I don't like it. Even if you like me as a friend—"

"Not just as a friend, Aurora. Hindi ko gustong maging hanggang kaibigan lang."

His words sounded sincere and true, I was dumbfounded. Nakatitig ako sa seryosong mukha niya, naghihintay na sabihin niyang nagbibiro siya.

"What . . .? What are you talking about?" Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero nagagalit ako.

"I like you . . . not just as a friend."

We looked at each other so hard, it felt like a sin to blink. Nakuyom ko ang kamao ko.

Is he saying that he likes me as a girl? Bakit? Bulag ba siya? I don't have anything he'd be happy about nor proud of. I'm not worthy of him.

"I'm not Celine," matigas na sabi ko.

"Who cares about Celine?"

"Siya ang bagay sa 'yo!" sigaw ko.

"Ikaw ang gusto ko."

"No!"

We were both dumbfounded after. I shouted so loud, my throat hurt.

"No . . ." ulit ko. "You can't like me. I don't want you to like me!"

"Why?"

His eyes demanded to be looked at. "Because . . ." There's too many because, I don't know how to tell him what I want in a way he would understand. I know, no matter how I try to explain it, he wouldn't grasp something unfamiliar to him. He's never ugly. He's never unwanted. He's never shunned off. It's easy for him to befriend people and enchant and magnetize them. Kailangan lang niyang huminga, mamahalin na siya. He belongs to the kind that doesn't have to try so hard to be seen favorably.